The Fake News Magazine of the Flat Ocean Society

Summer 2023

Download .pdf file

In this issue:

Exclusive Interview: Bull$hit the Climate Bull Reveals His Family History

How global warming really began.

New Elevator to Climate Hell Now Open

Experience the horrifying 0.08 °C rise in temperature on your way to climate hell.

Trapped Climate Heat Escapes to Space

Molecular collisions overpower local CO2 forces.

Gravitational potential and renegade water molecules provide the escape route.

Radiation balance of the earth is restored without a rise in surface temperature.

Wind Driven Evaporation Challenges the Climate Sensitivity

Special investigation finds wind driven evaporation in the flat ocean.

The climate sensitivity may be wrong.

Paris Climate Accord questioned.

Signal from the Atlantic Multi-decadal Oscillation (AMO) detected in the global mean temperature record.

Greenhouse gas radiative forcings may not heat the oceans. Was Hansen’s magic a trick? Emerald City representative denies the accusations..

Book of Moron Published Online

Secret history and doctrine of the Imperial Cult of the Global Warming Apocalypse has been revealed. Exclusive extracts published by the FO Gazette.

Yacht Carrying Pseudo$aint Greta Runs Aground

Yacht trapped on the bull$hit coral reef.

Fourier the Heretic was Right

The phase shift means no climate equilibrium.

Climate Model Instabilities Revealed

Long hidden Lorenz instabilities undermine the Holy Climate Ensembles.



Radiative forcings from 30 years ago.


Party services for COP28.

From the Emerald City (Editorial)

We Believe.

About the Flat Ocean Society

The Flat Ocean Society was founded in 1980 by the Great Wizard Han$en for the disciples of the Equilibrium Average Climate. This climate is defined by the Sacred Spaghetti Plots as generated by the Holy Global Circulation Climate Models. In order to work properly, these models require belief in the equations of a flat ocean. There can be no ocean waves and the ocean surface temperature is determined by the long wave IR (LWIR) flux, not the wind driven evaporation. The oceans must also be in an equilibrium state in which there are no oscillations. The LWIR flux can penetrate below the surface to a depth of 100 meters. Full membership in the Flat Ocean Society is required before any disciple can run a global circulation climate model.

Exclusive Interview: Bull$hit the Climate Bull Reveals His Family History

The first climate Bull$hit line was established by Pouillet near Paris in the early 1830s. They provided the special bull$hit that was needed to overcome the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This enabled Pouillet to create the first equilibrium climate in 1836, although he was only a minor magician and there were no computers. A second Bull$hit family branch was established near London in about 1860. Here they helped Tyndall with his CO2 bull$hit. Some of his ancestors also migrated to Sweden. It is not clear whether they came from Paris or London. They established a third line near Stockholm where they helped Arrhenius with his climate bull$hit. A later generation provided the bull$hit for Burt Bolin. In the 1930s, one of his great uncles helped Guy Steward Calendar with his warming bull$hit. A fourth Bull$hit line was established in the US in the 1950s. Some of his cousins helped Roger Revelle and Carl Sagan with their greenhouse bull$hit. It is possible that Bull$hit met Revelle at his uncle’s ranch when he was very young bull. Bull$hit and his family of Bull$hit bulls helped to spread the climate bull$hit far and wide.

Bull$hit claims a very special role in creating the original climate computer bull$hit. The magicians Manabe and Wetherald (M&W) were have a lot of trouble getting their computer model to work properly. The Second Law of Thermodynamics kept interfering with their heat flow algorithms Then M&W found that the Second Law could be repelled using bull$hit. They adjusted the humidity and the feedback in their computer model to maximize the effect and this allowed their program to work. They could force the equilibrium surface to warm up and overcame the convective cooling. The first bull$hit climate model was published in 1967.

New Elevator Ride to Climate Hell Now Open at the Emerald City Amusement Park

Experience the full effect of the +0.08 °C per day warming rate produced by a CO2 doubling. Ride the four floors down to Climate Hell.

Special thermometers provided.

Based on data from: Iacono, M. J., J. S. Delamere, E. J. Mlawer, M. W. Shephard, S. A. Clough, and W. D. Collins (2008), “Radiative forcing by long-lived greenhouse gases: Calculations with the AER radiative transfer models” J. Geophys. Res. 113, D13103 pp. 1-8. []

Missing Heat Caught Escaping to Space

The missing heat that was believed to be hiding in the oceans has now been found in the troposphere. Bandit air molecules attack the excited state CO2 molecules and steal the heat. Gravitational potential and renegade water molecules then combine forces to provide the escape route to space through broad band water emission. The CO2 radiative forcing police cannot stop the heat from escaping. They work at the wrong wavelengths. The heat from CO2 does not reach the surface and change the surface temperature. The energy balance of the earth is not perturbed. The loss of heat from other greenhouse gas forcings is under investigation. The Divine Bull$hit Balance has to be recalibrated. The flyshit calibration correction in the CMIP7 ensemble has been underestimated. A representative from the Emerald City has indicated that a special rebalancing session has been scheduled for COP28.

The escape route

Wind Driven Evaporation Challenges the Climate Sensitivity

A special investigation has found wind driven evaporation at the flat ocean surface. A report by Yu et al originally published in 2008 has been re-evaluated. When the latent heat flux and wind speed measurements are combined the sensitivity of the latent heat flux to the wind speed within the ±30° latitude bands is at least 15 W m-2/m s-1. The observed increase of 140 ppm in CO2 concentration since the start of the Industrial Revolution has produced an increase in downward LWIR flux from the lower troposphere to the surface near 2 W m-2. All of this increase in downward LWIR flux from CO2 for the last 200 years can be removed by an increase in wind speed of 13 centimeters per second. This is the speed of a ‘turbocharged’ tortoise. An average pet tortoise can run at speeds up to 10 centimeters per second. The investigators say that the correct value for the climate sensitivity is ‘too small to measure’. The temperature limits set in the Paris Climate Accord are meaningless. They will not be reached even at 1000 ppm CO2.

The reanalysis of Yu et al. 2008

Further evidence has been found in a 1973 report by Hale and Querry. This shows that the penetration depth of the LWIR flux into the oceans is less than 100 micron. Here it is fully coupled to any wind speed driven evaporation. This confirms the lack of climate sensitivity to CO2.

Data from Hale and Querry, 1973

An Emerald City representative has called the investigation a fraud.

Further details:

Yu, L., X. Jin, and R.A. Weller (Jan. 2008), “Multidecade global flux datasets from the objectively analyzed air-sea fluxes (OAFlux) project: latent and sensible heat fluxes, ocean evaporation, and related surface meteorological variables” OAFlux project technical report OA-2008-01. []

Hale, G. M. and M. R. Querry (1973), “Optical constants of water in the 200 nm to 200 µm wavelength region” Applied Optics 12(3) pp. 555-563. []

Signal from the Atlantic Multi-decadal Oscillation (AMO) Detected in the Global Mean Temperature Record.

A reconstruction of the temperatures from the writings of the Prophets of the Imperial Cult has been used to show that the 1940 peak in the Holy Global Mean Temperature Record (HGMTR) is from the Atlantic Multi-decadal Oscillation (AMO). The correlation between the AMO and the HGMTR is 0.8. The sixty year cycle reached another peak around the year 2000 and some cooling may be starting. There is no need to invoke the greenhouse gas forcings to warm the oceans. .

a) The sacred HadCRUT4 temperature series and the AMO, aligned from 1860 to 1970, b) temperature anomaly for N. temperate stations from Callendar [1938], c) global cooling from Douglas [1975], d) global temperature anomaly from Hansen et al, [1981] and e) global temperature anomaly from Jones et al, [1986]. The changes in atmospheric CO2 concentration (Keeling curve) are also shown in c and d. The periods of record for the weather station data are also indicated.

Some of the disciples of the global warming apocalypse are claiming that the Wizard Han$en’s ocean magic was just a trick. Any additional warming in the temperature record can be explained as a combination of urban heat island effects, changes to urban/rural weather station mix used to determine the average and homogenization adjustments.

An Emerald City representative denies the accusations.

Callendar, G. S. (1938), “The artificial production of carbon dioxide and its influence on temperature” J. Roy. Met. Soc. 64 pp. 223-240. [] Douglas, J. H. (March 1, 1975) “Climate change: chilling possibilities” Science News 107 pp. 138-140. []

Hansen, J., D. Johnson, A. Lacis, S. Lebedeff, P. Lee, D. Rind and G. Russell (1981), “Climate impact of increasing carbon dioxide” Science 213 pp. 957-956. []

Jones, P. D., T. M. Wigley and P. B Wright (1986), “Global temperature variations between 1861 and 1984” Nature 323(31) pp. 430-434. [] Andrews, R. (2017a), “Adjusting Measurements to Match the Models – Part 3: Lower Troposphere Satellite Temperatures” Energy Matters Sept 14. []

Andrews, R. (2017b), “Making the Measurements Match the Models – Part 2: Sea Surface Temperatures” Energy Matters Aug 2. []

Andrews, R. (2017c), “Adjusting Measurements to Match the Models – Part 1: Surface Air Temperatures” Energy Matters July 27. []

Berger, T. and G. Sherrington, (2022), “Uncertainty of Measurement of Routine Temperatures–Part Three” WUWT Oct 14 []

D’Aleo, J. and A. Watts (Aug. 27, 2010) “Surface temperature records: policy driven deception? [] (Link not working) Available at: ['Aaleo.Watts.Surface_temp.SPPC%202010.pdf]

Book of Moron Published Online

The secret history and doctrine of the Imperial Cult of the Global Warming Apocalypse has been revealed. Here are exclusive extracts from the History of the Flat Ocean Society, the Doctrine of the Cult of the Global Warming Apocalypse and the Flat Ocean Training Manual.

The roots of The Flat Ocean Society can be traced back to antiquity where it was part of the Flat Earth Belief System. However, following the development of the telescope by Galileo, the New Belief System was introduced that made the Earth spherical with an orbit around the sun. The ancient Flat Earth Believers were part of the Church and participated in the Inquisition. After the Reformation they formed a secret Flat Earth Society. Then, starting in the nineteenth century, it was realized that the Earth had to have an equilibrium average climate. This was needed by the Simplified Mathematics to determine the temperature of the Earth and predict the coming CO2 Apocalypse. In order to balance the Sacred Flux Equations, the position of the sun had to be fixed, so that the absorbed solar flux always matched the LWIR flux returned to space. This belief system was first used to predict the CO2 Apocalypse by Arrhenius in 1896. It continued to be developed and used on an informal basis until 1967. Then the magicians Manabe and Wetherald used an early computer to solve the Sacred Flux Equations and bring them to full equilibrium for the first time. They published their magic spells for other computer magicians to use. However, their work was limited to the Equilibrium Atmosphere. It was the Great Wizard Han$en that created the slab ocean magic and added the Equilibrium Ocean spells in 1981. To help promote the Equilibrium Ocean and fix the position of the sun, he founded the Flat Ocean Society in 1980. The Flat Earth Society members joined the Flat Ocean Society and were soon responsible for Indoctrination.

All disciples of the Cult of the Global Warming Apocalypse must become full members of the Flat Ocean society. Before full membership is granted, the disciples must be properly indoctrinated into the Mysteries of the Greenhouse Effect and the Radiative Forcing Rituals. They must abandon the Laws of Physics starting with a ritual cleansing to remove any influence of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. They must worship the Climate Averages on the Global Warming Altar and learn the workings of the 33 K Greenhouse Effect Temperature. They must learn the inner workings of the Radiative Forcings starting with the First Forcings of the Stratospheric Level. Once the have solved the equations of the First Level they must descend through the troposphere and solve the Forcings of the Second Level. Then they must solve the Third Forcings for the Combined Air and Land Response. Next they must learn the Initial Response of the Oceans and solve the Fourth Forcings. Now they are ready to enter the Inner Sanctum of the Equilibrium Ocean and solve the Equations of the Equilibrium Ocean Response and combine them with the Hidden Climate Sensitivity Constant. Finally, they may attempt to reach Equilibrium Nirvana and maximize both the warming apocalypse and the money flow.

Yacht Carrying Pseudo$aint Greta Runs Aground

The Great Wizard Han$en wanted to elevate Greta, a Flat Ocean Cadet, to be a Saint of Global Warming because of her outstanding services to the Society, but the Church refused. She underwent special purification to remove any vestiges of contamination from the Second Law of Thermodynamics and became pseudo$aint Greta instead. She wore the Bull$hit Crown of Climate Wisdom and the Golden Halo made from ancient relics found in the tomb of Apis the Bull.

In order to travel without releasing any CO2 emissions, psuedo$aint Greta used a yacht to travel the oceans. This created a problem, because the Equations of the Flat Ocean Society did not allow for any wind. To overcome this, a secret propeller was installed and the yacht appeared to move as if by magic. She travelled to Australia to see the bull$hit coral on the Great Barrier Reef. This was an auto-bleaching coral created by the Wizard Han$en to suppport Australian coral research. It bleached when research money was needed. Unfortunately the yacht hit the reef at low tide and damaged the propeller. The boat had to be towed to port and the propeller was revealed for all to see. Closer inspection showed that the halo was polished brass. The mummified bullshit used in the Crown of Climate Wisdom was tested using radiocarbon dating and it was found to be nothing more than regular bull$hit that had been dried and painted with varnish to preserve it. Pseudo$aint Greta flew home and was never seen again.

Pseudo$aint Greta runs aground on the bull$hit coral reef

Fourier the Heretic Was Right

Fourier the Heretic studied the temperature of the earth before the equilibrium magic was revealed. He created his own heretical time dependent theory of heat and found the subsurface phase shifts that have now been hidden by the radiative forcings. His heretical text from 1824 describes the phase shift found in the subsurface seasonal ground temperature.

At a moderate depth, as three or four meters, the temperature observed does not vary during each day, but the change is very perceptible in the course of a year, it varies and falls alternately. The extent of these variations, that is, the difference between the maximum and minimum of temperature, is not the same at all depths. It is inversely as the distance from the surface. The different points of the same vertical line do not arrive at the same time at the extreme temperatures. The extent of the variations, the times of the year, which correspond to the greatest, to the mean, or to the least temperatures, change with the position of the point in the vertical line. There are the same quantities of heat which fall and rise alternately. All these values have a fixed relation between themselves, which are indicated by experiments and expressed distinctly by the analysis. The results observed are in accordance with those furnished by the theory. No phenomenon is more completely explained.

Phase shifts have now been found contaminating the equilibrium climate record. At mid latitudes the ocean surface temperature does not peak at summer solstice. Instead there is a time delay or phase shift of 6 to 8 weeks. The ocean temperatures are then carried ashore by the renegade weather systems that desecrate the flat ocean with evaporation and contaminate the weather station record. Some of the disciples of the global warming apocalypse are claiming that the Wizard Han$en’s ocean magic is fake. If he can make the greenhouse gas forcings warm the ocean then he should have eliminated the phase shift.

A representative from the Emerald City explained that special homogenization procedures have been developed to purify the station temperatures before they are added to the Holy Global Mean Temperature Record.

Fourier, J.-B.-J. (1824), “Remarques générales sur les températures du globe terrestre et des espaces planétaires” Annales de Chimie et de Physique 27, pp. 136–167. [] English translation: []

Clark, R. and A. Rörsch, (2023) Finding Simplicity in a Complex World - The Role of the Diurnal Temperature Cycle in Climate Energy Transfer and Climate Change, Clark Rörsch Publications, Thousand Oaks, CA. Available from Amazon.

Paperback []

ebook: []

Climate Model Instabilities Revealed

In 1963, before the magic spells of Manabe and Wetherald established the modern equilibrium climate, Lorenz found instabilities in the weather forecasting models used by the Weather Lords, even for a simple 3 equation model. In 1973 he found that the weather forecasting models were limited to predictions about 12 days ahead. This is because the models have to solve a very large number of coupled non-linear equations that become unstable. The errors increase with time.

Lorenz instabilities for 3 coupled partial differential equations, from Lorenz, 1963.

These instabilities are hidden by the Magic Equilibrium Spells that are used to ‘tune’ the Sacred Climate Model Ensemble to match the Holy Global Mean Temperature Record. A rebel group of disciples has claimed that there is no CO2 signal in the Holy Record and that there is no reason to expect such models to have any predictive capabilities. The greenhouse gas forcings do not work on the ocean and the model errors grow with time. Evaporation and the ocean oscillations have returned.

A representative from the Emerald City wants to reassure everyone that the climate models are working correctly. The calibration of the Divine Bull$hit Balance used to create the radiation imbalance at the top of the atmosphere is correct. The climate sensitivities of the Sacred Model Ensemble agree with the imbalance. The ocean warming agrees with the radiative forcings.

The climate sensitivities of the Sacred CMIP6 Model Ensemble

Lorenz, E. N. (1973), “On the Existence of Extended Range Predictability” J. Applied Meteorology and Climatology 12(3) pp. 543-546. [] Lorenz, E.N. (1963), “Deterministic nonperiodic flow” Journal of the Atmospheric Sciences 20(2) pp. 130-141. []



The time series of the radiative forcings published by Hansen et al in 1993 resemble the modern forcings used in IPCC AR6.

The time series of radiative forcings on the left was published by Hansen et al in 1993. For comparison, the radiative forcings from the IPCC AR6 WG1 Report Fig.2.10 are shown on the right.

Hansen, J., A. Lacis, R. Ruedy M. Sato and H. Wilson (1993), “How sensitive is the world's climate?” National Geographic Research and Exploration 9(2) pp. 142-158. []


Party without interruption at COP28 in Dubai. Attend the best parties in town. Services available 24/7. Party limousines take you between parties so your celebrations are not interrupted. Delegate services provide substitutes so you can party while your surrogate attends the meetings. Convenient meeting summaries available. Special discount packages and group rates available. Contact: Party.COP28@FlatOceanServices.BS

The COP Party Bandwagon

From The Emerald City


We believe that the radiative forcing approach is correct. It has been used for all of the IPCC reports since the IPCC was founded in 1988. It has also been adopted without question by the USGCRP. The magic spells of Manabe and Wetherald were greatly extended by the work the Great Wizard Han$en in 1981. He added the flat ocean warming to the greenhouse gas forcings and established the Sacred CO2 Doubling Ritual. The forcings have hidden the sacred inner workings of the models far better than the curtain used by the original Wizard of Oz. The climate sensitivities are still close to the original 2.8 °C value used by the Great Wizard himself in 1981. More recent improvements, such as the switch to effective radiative forcings has improved the fit to the Holy Global Mean Temperature Record. We are also using homogenization with continuous improvement to purify the temperature data before it is blessed and used in the Holy Record. New measurement techniques such as the use of shorter time constants on the electronic temperature sensors have been incorporated at some locations as part of our continuous warming improvement process. We are also taking special precautions with the Divine Bull$hit Balance to ensure that it is functioning correctly for the COP28 rebalancing ceremony when the new Earth Radiation Budget Imbalance will be revealed. We have added new screens to protect the Balance from the bull$hit flies and eliminate any possible fly shit imbalance uncertainties. We are also taking special precautions to shield the Balance from contamination by local camel shit that could interfere with the readings.

The Divine Bull$hit Balance