Climate Humor Page - Ventura Photonics

The proper engineering description of the ‘scientific’ papers that provide the foundation of the ‘climate change’ fraud is ‘bull$shit’. This is bullshit with the dollar sign inserted to indicate the massive fraud. While I was searching the internet I accidentally obtained access to the secret NASA $hit$erver used by Bull$hit the Climate Bull. This allowed me to download some of the Climate$hit files that revealed the Saga of Bull$hit the Climate Bull and the real story of the global warming fraud. Unfortunately my computer hard drive crashed because of all the bull$hit. I was only able to recover some of the Climate$hit files. Here is what I was able to recover on Bull$hit the bull and his $hitty friends, and on the Flat Ocean Society.

Summaries

The Saga of Bull$hit the bull

Explains how bull$hit from Bull$hit the Climate Bull was used to overcome the Second Law of Thermodynamics and warm the climate. Describes the Divine Equilibrium Bull$hit Balance and the Sacred Spaghetti Plots.

Consider a Sacred Cow, in Equilibrium with its Farts

The great wizard Han$en creates Naomi the Sacred Cow, in equilibrium with her farts - and gets caught.

Bull$hit the Climate Bull goes to Australia

The creation of the bull$hit coral and the discovery that kangaroo shit can overcome bull$hit.

The Black Carbon Calibration Problem

It is not black carbon that melts the ice. It is bear shit.

The Saga of Pork$hit the Political Climate Pig

When pork$hit was mixed with bull$hit it could be used to buy votes. Pork$hit became the pet pig of Al Gore in the White House. However, Pork$hit needed a steady diet of $100 bills. When the Democrats started using the money for other purposes they lost the election.

The Saga of Horse$hit the Environmental Climate Horse

Horse$hit was discovered at the Del Mar racetrack by Roger Revelle. Horse$hit provided the material for many grant proposals and reports. He was fed a special diet of $100 bills to provide the material for the IPCC Assessment Reports. He also helped with the EPA Endangerment Finding.

The Flat Ocean Society

In order to make his magic bull$hit work, the Great Wizard Han$en needed a flat ocean without any wind or waves. He founded the Flat Ocean Society in 1980 for the disciples of the Equilibrium Average Climate. This climate is defined by the Sacred Spaghetti Plots as generated by the Holy Global Circulation Climate Models. Full membership in the Flat Ocean Society is required before any disciple can run a Global Circulation Climate Model.

Pseudo$aint Greta

Greta was an outstanding member of the Flat Ocean Cadets. The Wizard wanted to make her a Saint of Global Warming, but he was stopped by the Vatican. Instead he made her pseudo$aint Greta with the Bull$hit Crown of Wisdom and the Golden Halo. In order to travel without releasing any CO₂ emissions, she used a yacht with a secret propeller to overcome the lack of wind on the flat ocean. During a visit to Australia the yacht ran aground on the bull$hit coral. She flew home and was never heard of again.

The Climate Sensitivity Constant and the Equilibrium Position of the Sun

The climate equilibrium assumption requires a special set of virtual coordinates that adjusts the position of the sun to the First Point of Ares, so as to maintain the Sacred Flux Equations in an exact balance. As the Earth’s rotation axis shifts, the virtual solar coordinates change. They have to be corrected using special satellite magic. Starting with the Fifth Sacred Assessment Report, a statistically significant error appeared in the Sacred Spaghetti Plots. The Predictions of the CO₂ Apocalypse Temperature were higher than the Thermometers. There was an oscillation that was traced to the Atlantic Multi-decadal Oscillation. The Wizard Han$en declared a Climate Emergency to reduce the Paris rebalancing temperature from 2 to 1.5 C, but it was too late. The Equilibrium Average Climate State had been lost. The ocean winds and waves had returned. The magic was no longer working and Han$en and his disciples went to jail for a very long time.

The New USGCRP Regulation

In support of the Fifth National Climate Assessment, NCA5, the United States Global Change Research Program (USGCRP) has announced a new regulation. Effective immediately, all members of the US Government, its Contractors and Researchers associated with the USGCRP must become full members of the Flat Ocean Society. All participants in the USGCRP are expected to contribute to the enhancement of the Climate Pyramid of Bull$hit. This is the Great Vision to save the world from bull$hit climate warming through enhanced modeling and mitigation. The USGCRP is also pleased to announce that the globe on the USGCRP logo has been has been changed to the Flat Ocean Society logo and the motto ‘Caveat Emptor’ has been added.

Bull$hit the climate bull was discovered by accident. A Great Professor from the University gave a talk about the Equilibrium Climate Legends. He spoke of the prophet Arrhenius who foresaw the coming of the Warming Apocalypse and of the magicians Manabe and Wetherald who created the Radiative Equilibrium Myths. He described the works of the disciples of the Great Wizard Han$en. These included Emmanuel who helped to create the myth of the hurricane Katrina warmings and $anter who found the Prophesies of the Warming Disasters in the ocean bull$hit models. However, the Great Professor refused to acknowledge the existence of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Something was wrong. He was under the influence of a special magic spell that made him believe in the Equilibrium Average Climate, the Global Warming Myths and the Sacred Spaghetti Plots. Further investigation revealed that he was not just a University Professor, he was a High Priest in the secret NA$A Society of Global Warmers. He was also local president of the Flat Ocean Society. He believed that bull$hit could warm the oceans. He had been trapped by the Money Web of Lies. The warnings of Eisenhower had come true

A special team of investigators searched the ancient compendium of climate legends by Weart and read the warnings of Arrhenius. The first sign of bull$hit was found. Arrhenius did not create the first Equilibrium Climate Legend. Instead it was Poulliet in 1836. (The Chronicles give the wrong date, 1838 instead of 1836) The Second Law was clearly revealed to Lord Fourier in 1824 and again in 1827. He described the Special Phase Shift between the solar flux and the temperature response and explained the true works of Convection. Further investigation of the ancient records revealed that Poulliet was the first to use bull$hit, the magic mix of bullshit and money that could overcome the Second Law. However, Poulliet was a minor magician. He was just learning about the climate warming and did not know the full power of bull$hit. This was before computers and there were no money webs. Poulliet created the special line of bull$hit climate bulls that would help future magicians overcome the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

After a long search for the Bull$hit line, the Investigators found that Bull$hit the climate bull had been hidden at NA$A Goddard. They traced his work back to the bull$hit used by Manabe and Wetherald (M&W) in 1967. Some of his ancestors migrated from France to the US after 1836 when the first climate bull$hit line was established by Poulliet. Another family branch migrated to London where they helped Tyndall with his CO₂ bull$hit. Some of his ancestors also migrated to Sweden where they helped Arrhenius with his climate bull$hit. A later generation provided the bull$hit for Burt Bolin. One of his uncles helped Guy Steward Calendar with his warming bull$hit and some of his cousins helped Roger Revelle and Carl Sagan with their Greenhouse bull$hit. It is possible that Bull$hit met Revelle at his uncle’s ranch when he was very young bull. Bull$hit and his family of Bull$hit bulls helped to spread the climate bull$hit far and wide.

Bull$hit claims a very special role in creating the original climate computer bull$hit. M&W were have a lot of trouble getting their computer model to work properly. Zeus, the Second Law of Thermodynamics kept interfering by zapping their heat flow algorithms with his thunderbolts. Then M&W found that Zeus could be repelled using bull$hit. They adjusted the humidity and the feedback in their computer model to maximize the effect and they found that this kept Zeus away and allowed their program to work. They could force the equilibrium surface to warm up and overcame the convective cooling. They thought that Zeus had disappeared, but he had quietly gone back to Mount Olympus to get some help in overcoming the special M&W equilibrium bull$hit and make his thunderbolts work again. The first bull$hit climate model was published in 1967. The problem with Zeus and the Second Law appeared to have been solved.

Meanwhile Bull$hit the climate bull continued to help M&W create their climate bull$hit. His work became more widely known and it was used by Weather Lord Charney in his special Bull$hit Report in 1979. The great climate wizard Han$en found out about Bull$hit and invited him to come to NA$A Goddard in New York. Here Bull$hit teamed up with Dolly the Dollar Spider and together they helped Han$en create his great Money Web of Lies and build the climate bull$hit fraud.

Dolly was a criminal spider born into the Dollar family of Mafia spiders in New York. She could spin a web of lies that looked like $20 bills strung together. However, they were sticky like a spider’s web and could be used to trap people. Once you were trapped by the Money Web of Lies you became addicted to money and kept on lying and using bull$hit to get more. Unfortunately her family wanted her to spin $100 webs. The design was more complicated and Dolly could not get some of the details right. She knew she was in trouble and ran away. She hid in the sewers and became friends with the ninja turtles. She helped them get pizza by spinning $20 bills. Like the turtles, she mutated and grew larger than normal dollar spiders. She perfected her $100 web. The $100 bill was too large a denomination for pizza delivery, but then she met Bull$hit the climate bull and he invited her to NA$A Goddard to help Han$en the great climate wizard. Here she could spin a Money Web of Lies as large as she wanted to.

The Mafia Money Spiders of New York have a long history and there were several other Mafia Spiders that helped spread the climate bull$hit. One of Dolly’s great aunts also got into trouble with her Family. She managed to stow away on a steamer in New York Harbor and escaped to Sweden. Here she learned to spin a money web of Swedish Krona and teamed up with Burt Bolin’s climate group. She changed her name to Karla the Krona Spider. Several of her offspring moved to Brussels and learned to spin €uro Money Webs. They now provide special Money Web of Lies services for many of the European Bull$hit Climate Centers.

Han$en used his magic to create more bull$hit lies. The M&W model was limited by its bull$hit storage capacity. Han$en wanted a much bigger model that could create and store the bull$hit for a worldwide bull$hit circulation model. To do this he added more bull$hit to the M&W model. He fed Bull$hit a special diet that made his bull$hit work better. Even Triton, Lord of the Oceans stayed away. This allowed Han$en to create his special bull$hit slab ocean slab model. Normally, bull$hit did not last long in the ocean. It stayed on the surface and disappeared in the waves. In his bull$hit model Han$en created a magical surface that did not have any waves or wind driven evaporation. The bull$hit could sink and accumulate in the first 100 meter layer of the oceans. Some of the heavier particles of bull$hit could sink below the 100 meter layer and provide a special bull$hit reservoir. Later, this bull$hit could return to the surface and add to the atmospheric bull$hit in his circulation model. A Flat Ocean Society was established to study the new warming physics of the bull$hit in this ocean. In order to become a member of the Flat Ocean Society you had to believe there was no wind or wind driven evaporation. This condition was required by the Magic Equilibrium Codes so that bull$hit could heat the oceans. The penetration depth of bull$hit into the oceans had to be increased to 100 meters, not the measured 100 micron.

Han$en then created a special way of hiding the Second Law. Instead of using his bull$hit to heat the flat ocean surface directly, he invoked the Mysteries of the Greenhouse Effect. When the surface warmed it released more bull$hit and this could be measured high in the atmosphere. He claimed that this process worked in reverse. By releasing bull$hit into the atmosphere he could warm the surface. However, he forgot about the effects of temperature and pressure. Bull$hit lost its power at the lower pressures and temperatures high in the atmosphere. The bull$hit froze. This did not deter the wizard. He created a set of magic equilibrium flux equations that could be used to create the warming using his computer. He established a set of special bull$hit forcings. To make these look real he invoked the HITRAN Spectral Gospels. For each different type of bull$shit there was a special HITRAN magic spell that converted the bull$hit concentration to a forcing. These Caloric spells were well known and used by other magicians. They were first revealed to the Astrologers of Old during the appearance of a comet in the sky. His forcing values were trusted. Then he took the combined bull$hit forcings and added a magic climate bull$hit sensitivity constant. This converted the bull$hit forcings to a surface temperature increase. He created a special mathematical bull$hit forcing ritual that his disciples had to use to calculate the increase in the temperature of the Earth using the Equilibrium Flux Balance equations. First they had to find the key to the door of the Stratosphere Level and solve the equations for the First Bull$hit Forcings. Then they had to descend into the Tropophere Level and solve the equations for the Second Bull$hit Forcings. Next they had to solve the combined equations for the Land Surface Level and the Third Bull$hit Forcings. Then they had to solve the combined equations for the Ocean Surface and the Fourth Bull$hit Forcings. Finally they had to solve the Ocean Bull$hit Diffusion Equations and find the long term steady state solutions to the circulating Bull$hit Equations using the Bull$hit sensitivity constant. By seeking the right combination of bull$hit forcings and bull$hit sensitivity constant the disciples could reach a state of Bull$hit Nirvana with maximum climate warmth and maximum money flow. This allowed them to work on the Sacred Spaghetti Plots. This scheme to hide the Second Law was even more effective than the Magic Curtain used to hide the Wizard of Oz.

The wizard Han$en then had to fix another problem with his magic code. His bull$hit warmed the surface. The weather station temperature was measured in an enclosure located eye level, 1.5 to 2 m above the ground. Han$en simply decreed that his bull$hit sensitivity constant worked for the weather station temperature. However, there was special magic in the weather station temperature that Han$en overlooked. Bull$hit could keep Zeus and Triton away, but it had no effect on Time. There were special time delays or phase shifts in the weather station temperature that could not be changed. It took time for the bull$hit magic to work. The bull$hit spell needed up to 2 hours each day after the sun passed overhead before it fully heated the weather station. There was an even longer delay of 6 to 8 weeks in the bull$hit magic after the summer solstice before the weather station reached its maximum seasonal temperature. This had been foretold by the Lord Fourier in the ancient times before bull$hit. Han$en hid these delays in his special homogenized averaging magic, but the Second Law was still there, waiting.

To demonstrate that his magic worked Han$en created Naomi the Sacred Cow. She was in equilibrium with her farts. He used this to show that his bull$hit forcings worked and produced warming. The full story of Naomi the Sacred Cow is told in a separate Climate$hit file and will not be repeated here.

Over the oceans Han$en’s bull$hit magic worked on the surface, but there were ocean currents that transported heat below the surface. Here, there were special dark forces from Chaos that tried to disrupt the ocean currents. They could not stop the ocean currents but they could change their speed. These forces were strong, but they worked slowly. They created long term oscillations with a period near 60 years. These changed the ocean temperatures and then the weather station temperatures followed. Han$en created his magic near a minimum temperature in the ocean oscillations. Some of Han$en’s earlier disciples, especially the prophet $chneider saw the earlier cooling and proclaimed a great Global Cooling. However, the temperatures began to warm again and $chneider became trapped in the Money Web of Lies. He established the Stanford Center for Exaggerated Bull$hit Warming Studies. Bull$hit was the hidden hero behind Han$en’s success.

The combination of bull$hit and the Money Web of Lies spread the bull$hit far and wide. Han$en became famous for his climate bull$hit predictions. His magic was transferred to the supercomputers at Livermore and Los Alamos. Special bull$hit circulation systems were added to the DOE computer installations to prevent access to the Second Law of Thermodynamics. University professors joined his group of disciples. He took his Money Web of Lies to Congress and started to trap politicians like Al Gore. They could be trapped by any denomination of the Money Web, even the $1 ones. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) was created to trap even more people. The mission of the IPCC was to show that all climate bull$hit was created by human activity. The money and the bull$hit were flowing.

The Mathematical Masturbation Center for Equilibrium Flux Dynamics was established at Princeton. The Climate Mathematical Masturbation Intercomparison Program (CMIP) was created and an international web of bull$hit computers was established to predict the effect of a bull$hit doubling. These computers were all protected by bull$hit recirculation systems. The Center for Flat Ocean Studies was established at Lawrence Livermore. Here it was claimed that the penetration depth of bull$hit into the oceans was 100 meters, not 100 micron. The Hadley Center for Equilibrium Climate and Greenhouse Bull$hit Studies was established in the UK. So was the UEA Center for Comparative Bull$hit Temperature Studies. Here they created the Homogenization Magic that made the Average Temperatures match the Bull$hit Predictions. They worked hard to hide the Phase Shifts in the weather station data. A version of this magic code was transferred to NA$A Goddard and to Princeton. The money web at Hadley was used to trap Margaret Thatcher, but she eventually escaped. A special experimental Money Web of Lies was established in the dungeons of the Dyson Perrins Laboratory for Organic Bull$hit in Oxford. Here they conducted materials research on ways to enhance the influence of the money web. The Institute for Deep Ocean Bull$hit was established at Potsdam in Germany. Many other universities established Centers for the Study of Bull$hit Warming. Engineering Institutes for the Study of Bull$hit Energy Conversion were founded to promote the use of bull$hit in electrical power generation and transportation. Once the constraints of the Second Law were removed, anything could be powered by solar and wind energy. Not to be left out, some geologists created Geological Engineering Centers for the Reversal of Climate Bull$hit to promote atmospheric cooling. In addition, a special Center for Flat Ocean Physics and Coral-Bull$hit Interactions was established at James Cook University in Australia. In the US, the Environmental Protection Agency established a bull$hit Endangerment Finding to control excessive bull$hit warming.

The Money Web of Lies did not just work on climate equilibrium pseudo$cientists. It could trap anyone and make them use the climate bull$hit lies to get more money. A vast industry of secondary bull$hitters was established that included policy analysts, economists, geologists, geographers, ecologists, psychologists, sociologists and other assorted ‘experts’ who could lie about every aspect of climate warming bull$hit. Thousands joined the Flat Ocean Society. Lord D’Aft became president of the Society. The Society Motto was ‘Caveat Emptor’. The D’Aft Report was published. This used economic bull$hit to propose ways of getting more money from warming bull$hit. It was claimed that wind and solar driven bull$hit could provide electrical power. Electrical bull$hit could be used to run cars. All of this cost more money for more bull$hit so the Money Web of Lies kept growing. People were told to be afraid of the warming effect of climate bull$hit. Physchologists could get more money by treating these climate bull$hit disorders with psychobabble bull$hit. Bull$hit could be used by politicians to buy votes by mixing it with political pork$hit and environmental horse$hit. Special plans were made to remove atmospheric bull$hit so that it did not accumulate so fast and slowed the bull$hit warming. Special ‘attribution’ srudies were condicted to investigate the effects of bull$hit on the frequency and intensity of extreme weather events.

Then something strange happened. The bull$hit magic did not seem to work as well. The Earth stopped warming. The magic climate pause had started. While the Wizard Han$en was at work with his bull$hit, Zeus had called a meeting of the Gods at Mount Olympus. There was a great debate on how to help Zeus with his thunderbolts. The Sun talked to Jupiter and He started to pull on the Earth to make the orbit less elliptical. The temperatures of the Earth would slowly cool. This would gradually break the bull$hit spell. The Gods were patient and could wait many years. Then Triton went down into the deep ocean and met with Chaos. He agreed to adjust the Ocean Oscillations, especially in the Atlantic Ocean. Chaos was an ancient monster that was created at the same time as the Balrogs of Middle Earth. Chaos had the power to change the continental drift and move the continents. They changed the ocean temperatures by altering the ocean circulation. Chaos could alter the ocean eddy currents. When he was angry he could change his form and rise out of the ocean in a great storm. He did not like the bull$hit that was accumulating in the deep ocean. He had some other plans he did not reveal.

Those trapped in the Money Web of Lies kept on playing with their equilibrium flux equations. They tried to find the source of the error that stopped the warming. They checked the HITRAN Spectral gospels and verified the Caloric Spell for every greenhouse gas in the bull$hit inventory. They could not find more warming. They checked the bull$hit sulfate particle size and the absorption of the black carbon bull$hit aerosols. They could not find anything wrong. This led to mathematical masturbation disorder (MMD). They could not stop playing with their equilibrium flux equations. The warming had to be hidden somewhere in the Bull$hit Forcing Levels. The lack of warming also started a great argument over the value of the climate bull$hit sensitivity constant. Was it set too high? The wizard Han$en intervened with some more magic. He created the climate bull$hit efficacy index. Some bull$hit agents were more effective than others. His disciples now found it more difficult to find Nirvana. They had to adjust the bull$hit efficacies as well as the bull$hit forcing constants and the bull$hit climate sensitivity constant. This led to Climate Sensitivity Syndrome (CSS). The climate disciples started to have withdrawal symptoms. They would wake up at night with uncontrollable shaking and a fever. How could they adjust the climate bull$hit parameters to find the old Nirvana and regain their money? In the more extreme cases this led to Equilibrium Climate Chronology Disease (ECCD). This was an incurable immune disease. The disciples lost their sense of time. They believed that they were living in the equilibrium bull$hit climate land they had created with their computer. They wanted the sun to stay in the sky in its equilibrium average position. They wanted the surface to remain at exactly 288 K. They believed that the climate bull$hit could penetrate deep into the oceans. They lost interest in everything except the climate bull$hit record. They lost their appetite and could not sleep. They developed imaginary sores called bull$hit hotspots. They thought that these had come from the mid altitude tropical bull$hit hot spot that was still hidden from them. They closed all the windows and isolated themselves in the front of the climate gravy train near the bull$hit engine and the primary money flow. There was no hope for them. There was no cure for ECCD. The Flat Ocean Society established a new publication for them, The Journal of P$ychobabble Bull$hit where they could describe their experiences and try to agree on a new Bull$hit Warming Consensus.

The lack of warming led to an examination of the Divine Equilibrium Bull$hit Balance located on the Great Climate Change Altar. This was the source the magic code that made the absorbed solar bull$hit match the outgoing long wave IR (LWIR) bull$hit. These two had to match or the warming bull$hit would not work. The Balance relied on the Mysteries of the Greenhouse Effect and the Global Average Bull$hit Budget provided by the Prophet Trenberth. The downward bull$hit from the atmosphere had to balance the upward bull$hit from the surface after it absorbed the solar bull$hit. When the concentration of Greenhouse Gas Bull$hit increased, the Divine Equilibrium Bull$hit Balance adjusted the surface temperatures until the Bull$hit Climate Equilibrium was restored. Nirvana depended on the proper workings of the Bull$hit Balance. So did the money flow. The Holy Calibration Vault was opened and the Divine Bull$hit Reference Curve was checked by the Magician Keeling. Everything was correct. The Divine Equilibrium Bull$hit Balance was working properly. The climate disciples thought that some of the bull$hit had been stolen and hidden in the deep ocean. They did not know that Zeus had come back from Mount Olympus with his thunderbolts. The Second Law had started to reclaim the ocean surface. A gentle wind had returned. Ocean evaporation was removing the bull$hit. The wind driven forces of Coriolis and the Pumping of Ekman began to work again.

The first Climategate files were released. Some of the climate fraud was revealed. However, most this involved the ancient Maunder minimum records and the Tricks used to alter the paleoclimate bull$hit tree ring record. Bull$hit the bull and Dolly the dollar spider were not mentioned although there were some hints in a file that had not been fully deleted. B$ the bloodhound began to investigate. B$ came from the same litter as B. H. (Calcutta) Failed. They attended the Advanced Bloodhound Academy in Calcutta. Unfortunately they were involved in an accident where a curry filled elephant exploded. They both lost their sense of smell and failed the Bloodhound Academy. B. H. moved to London and became a reporter for The West Crunge Clarion and Dubious Advertiser with the Perishers cartoon strip. B$ became an independent investigator and moved to New York. His limited sense of smell made it easy for him to detect bull$hit. It was about the only thing he could smell. He spent a long time carefully studying all of the Climategate files.

Now Chaos revealed his next plan. He rearranged the ocean eddies and created a massive storm that flooded the east coast of the US. This washed away some of the bull$hit from the computers at NA$A Goddard. This was the clue that B$ was looking for. He followed the bull$hit flow back to the NA$A computer. Here he found the hidden back door. The flood had washed away the magic spell that normally concealed the door. The door was used to gain access to the great fans that circulated the bull$hit inside the computer. This was the system that protected the magic computer code from the Second Law. There was a special path that was shielded from the bull$hit circulation. This provided access when the fan motors needed to be repaired. B$ knew from the secret Climategate files that there was special magic concealed in the computer. One of the files spoke of a secret room and a special food that was delivered there but most of the file had been lost. B$ entered the computer and followed the path to the fan motors. At the end of the main set of fans there was another fan that was part of an air conditioning unit. This was not part of the computer. B$ sniffed around the air conditioning ducts. The unit turned on and he was almost overpowered by the smell of bull$hit. He had found the room where Han$en kept Bull$hit the climate bull. He looked down through the return vent and he saw bull$hit. Then he looked a more closely. Next to bull$hit there was a glass door and behind the door there was a giant dollar spider spinning a Money Web of Lies. B$ had found the source of the climate bull$hit and the web of lies. B$ was excited. He lifted his leg and marked a spot near the vent. The vent was not sealed and some of the liquid dripped through onto the magic food stored below. This released some of the magic that was meant for bull$hit. There was a flash and loud noise that scared bull$hit. He broke through the glass door and the emergency exit door behind that. Bull$hit had escaped from the computer with Dolly. The alarms in the computer went off. B$ had to get out fast and jumped through the hidden door before it slammed shut. Zeus had followed B$ to NA$A Goddard and entered the computer. As the magic was escaping from Bull$hit’s food supply, Zeus set to work with his thunderbolts. He was careful not to destroy the magic bull$hit code, but he restored the subroutine calls to the Second Law and quietly hid near the fans.

Dolly knew the area and she took Bull$hit to a nearby sewage farm where he could hide. From here Dolly could get back into the sewers. She was able to get help from the ninja turtles. The wizard Han$sen was attending one his many bull$hit warming conferences and he did not find out about the escape until later. The magic Bull$hit code grew weak as the bull$hit levels subsided inside the computer. The computer crashed and had to be restarted. The thunderbolts from Zeus had worked. The special code that hid the Second Law was not fully restored and the latest Sacred Spaghetti Plots started to show cooling. They were released to the CMIP library for the disciples to see.

Then the Climate Bull$hit Imbalance was found. When the Divine Climate Bull$hit Balance was used, it attracted a great cloud of flies. Some of these were special Fly$hit flies that lived exclusively on bull$hit. Special netting was used to keep the flies out, but the Fly$hit flies got through. The balance was very sensitive and the flyShit that landed on the balance had to be removed or accounted for. There was a residual fly$hit error that prevented the full closure of the Bull$hit Balance Budget. This partially blocked the path to Nirvana and slowed the money flow.

When Han$en returned to NA$A Goddard it was too late, his spell was broken. B$ obtained a copy of the Sacred Spaghetti Plots that showed the cooling and gave it to the Inspector General. He started an investigation. B$ helped to sniff out the bull$hit hidden in the computer and find the secret bull$hit files. This revealed the climate fraud. B$ then went back to the area of the hidden door and was able to track Bull$hit to the sewage farm. Han$en and his senior disciples were arrested and served long prison terms.

Dolly went into hiding in the sewers and rejoined her Mafia family. Bull$hit was captured but he cooperated with the Inspectors and did not go to prison. He retired to the Bull$hit Treatment Center for Climate Disorder Studies. Here he helped develop a special 12 step program for those with Equilibrium Climate Diseases. There was no cure, but the more junior disciples could learn new behavior patterns that avoided the need to seek Nirvana. A dilute bull$hit mixture consisting of steer manure and dollar bills could be used to reduce the cravings. The Flat Ocean Society was disbanded and the Bull$hit Climate Centers were closed. A new group of climate scientists started to study the ocean gyres and chaos. The phase shifts that had been hidden in the weather stations were rediscovered. The convection transition temperature was investigated. The Second Law was restored.

The Holy Grail of Global Warming was first discovered by the magician Tyndall in the nineteenth century. He found the caloric potential in CO₂ and realized that this magic could warm the earth. Although many magicians tried, they could not get any warming. A special kind of magic was needed. Many years passed, then the great magicians Manabe and Wetherald made the next step. They needed a very special kind of computer magic and they had to use the caloric potential of water vapor as well as CO₂. To combine these two caloric potentials they had to go back to the Spells of the Great Witches of Old and insert the Invocation of Macbeth “Double Double Toil and Trouble, Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble”. Using their magical computer model, they created an Equilibrium Land in which sun was always shining. This land had a special magical surface that had no heat capacity. They adjusted the sun and the caloric so that they were always in a sacred balance. When the caloric from CO₂ was increased, the water vapor caloric followed. This was sufficient to heat the surface. Other magicians learned the technique and created their own magic computer models. They realized that any gas with caloric could be used to create this warming. They just had to use the right caloric properties. These were hidden in the spectroscopy contained in the sacred HITRAN gospels and could not be changed by computer magic. Soon a great list of caloric gases was created and the spectroscopy was used to reveal how much warming each one could provide. Then the Great Wizard Han$en appeared and created a magical super computer. He added a Great Ocean to the Equilibrium Land model. This ocean had very special properties. Unlike a real ocean, the ocean was flat with a special surface. There was no wind, no waves and no evaporation. This magical ocean could absorb and store the caloric in layers below its special surface. Even though the caloric could only work on the magic surface, Han$en created weather stations that could measure the surface heat using thermometers at eye level where the magic could be seen.

To demonstrate his magical powers Han$en created Naomi, a sacred cow that lived in the Equilibrium Land. This cow was in equilibrium with its farts. Whenever the cow farted, the caloric from the farts was added to the atmosphere. He created a great magical warming by radiatively forcing the fart mixture. He started high in the atmosphere and made the farts warm the stratosphere. Once this warming was fully created he moved the caloric downwards and created the warming in the troposphere. Then he added more computer magic and made the farts warm the ocean. The magician Keeling came to help. He added special measurement stations to measure the fart mixture. Everyone could now see that the temperature increased along with the increase in the fart concentration. New electronic thermometers in new enclosures were added to replace the old mercury in glass ones. The new thermometers gave higher readings than the old ones. To make everything match, the old temperature records were adjusted using a special homogenization magic to make the old readings match the new. The Equilibrium Land became warmer. People came to visit the computer model and started to worship the sacred cow. Some became disciples of Han$en and copied his magic. Then they started to worry that the farts from the sacred cow were causing too much warming. They consulted the Oracle and read the Sacred Spaghetti Plots that foretold of great warming. To compensate, they began to reduce the caloric concentration in the Equilibrium Land. Special programs were written to stop combustion and reduce caloric emissions. The sacred cow was fed a special diet to reduce its farts. The magic models showed that the sun could be used for replacement heat. Special sun traps were designed. The disciples made the worshipers of the sacred cow pay to build these traps. They had to use them to heat their houses and cook their food. However, the sun traps were not very efficient. Costs kept going up and the time allowed for heating and cooking was reduced. The worshipers were cold and hungry. There was discontent in the Equilibrium Land. But the disciples claimed the Divine Right from the magic code. The land was warming. The worshipers had to endure the hardships.

Then one day the Inspector arrived. He was in charge of the magicians and had to make sure that their powers were real. He looked very carefully at the Han$en computer model. He spent a lot of time reading the magic code that had been created. He had access to the secret error code characters that told him something was wrong. He looked at the temperature record and compared it to his own measurements. The Han$en readings were too high. Finally he realized that the Magic Directory had been corrupted. The Laws of Physics had been over written and the Second Law of Thermodynamics had been lost. The Inspector had to go back to the Great Lords of Physics and request a new copy of the Magic Directory. When the Second Law was restored it changed the magic. Convection and evaporation appeared. There were waves on the ocean surface. The hidden ocean oscillations were revealed. These changed the ocean temperature. The evaporation stopped the farts from heating the ocean. The curtain was lifted from the computer. There was no magic. The caloric had disappeared. The Second Law had restored the proper heat flow to the surface. Han$en was not a magician, nor were his disciples. They were banished to the barn with the formerly sacred cow and her farts.

Starting in the mid 1980’s, the combination of bull$hit and the Money Web of Lies spread the climate bull$hit far and wide. The wizard Han$en became famous for his climate bull$hit predictions. His magic code was transferred to the computers around the world. A Center for Equilibrium Climate Bull$hit was opened in Australia. Special bull$hit circulation systems were added to the C$IRO computer installations to prevent access to the Second Law of Thermodynamics. An Australian Chapter of the Flat Ocean Society was established. The Earth was warming as predicted, but then something happened. Australia was not warming as fast as expected. Han$en’s magic worked on the ocean surface to control the waves and the evaporation. This allowed the bull$hit to couple into the oceans. However, he did not have control of the ocean currents. His magic worked well with the Atlantic Multi-decadal Oscillation, (AMO) but Australia was influenced by the El Nino Southern Oscillation (ENSO) and the Indian Ocean Dipole (IOD). Han$en travelled to Australia to investigate. Something had happened to the bull$hit circulation system. He sent for Bull$hit the bull and Dolly the money spider and they worked to restore the bull$hit levels in the Australian computers. Bull$hit took up residence inside the main C$IRO computer in a special pen that was identical to the one he had at NA$A Goddard. He was fed extra portions of his special food. Dolly spun a special dollar web that looked like Australian Currency with $100 bills. However, even with direct access to Bull$hit himself, the bull$hit levels were wrong.

Then one day, Bull$hit found that some of his special food was missing. He looked around and saw some strange looking shit on the floor. A special group from CI$RO was called in to investigate. They found that a family of kangaroos has taken up residence near the bull$hit circulation system. They had found a way in to the computer and the shit that they left behind interfered with the magic in the bull$hit. New fences were installed at all of the Australian Climate Bull$hit Centers. The bull$hit circulation systems were inspected and cleaned and new bull$hit was loaded. The kangaroos were taken to new feeding grounds far away from the computers. The bull$hit levels inside the computers returned to normal and the temperatures returned to their predicted values. Kangaroos had lived in Australia for a long time and they had partial immunity to Han$en’s magic.

The wizard Han$en, Bull$hit the bull and Dolly the money spider then went on a sightseeing trip to Queensland to see the Great Barrier Reef. They stopped at Townsville where Han$en was awarded an honorary degree from the James Cook Center for Flat Ocean Physics and Coral-Bull$hit Interactions. He gave a talk to the local Flat Ocean Society on new bull$hit algorithms for climate forcing efficacies with special coral warming effects. The local researchers had not been able to get the funding that they thought they deserved. Han$en helped by creating a special bull$hit coral. This only lived in the flat ocean. Instead of algae, the coral had a special symbiotic relationship with bull$hit. As the money denomination was changed, the color of the coral changed. A special low denomination bull$hit made the corals appear bleached. This provided a novel feedback effect that allowed the researchers to get more money to study the coral-bull$hit interactions. The more money they received, the more the corals improved.

Han$en returned to NA$A Goddard with Bull$hit the bull and Dolly the money spider. He was apparently at the peak of his powers. However, Triton did not like the bull$hit interfering with his friends the corals. He spent a long time scheming with Chaos. Together they created a great series of storms that flooded the Townsville area. The floods washed the kangaroo shit from the local fields into the rivers and out to sea. Here it combined with the local algae and displaced the bull$hit from the bull$hit coral. The money bleaching no longer worked. It did not matter what results the researchers published, they just had to keep the money rolling in. The coral bullshit funding was lost and the researchers lost their jobs.

One of the bull$hit forcings that the Great Wizard Han$en used was soot or black carbon. This forcing was not part of the HITRAN Spectral Gospels. Its value was not determined by the Caloric Spells of old. This meant that the Magic Models could use black carbon forcing to get any desired result. Black carbon was particularly useful for adjusting the ice melt predicted by the Magic Models. The Flat Ocean Equations were not good at predicting the ice melt. The ocean currents moved the ice pack and in the Arctic, some of ice escaped through the Fram Straight. However, by combining black carbon with sulfate aerosols, the bull$hit black carbon forcings appeared to work.

Then something strange happened. The Arctic ice melt changed. Some years there was more ice. Other years, there was an exodus through the Fram Straight. The satellite observations were studied. Something had changed. The carbon was no longer black. Instead, it appeared to be a dark brown color. The sensor calibrations were checked. Nothing was wrong. Then the ocean color changed slightly. It appeared to be a little darker. The Great Wizard Han$en and Bull$hit the bull travelled to the Arctic to investigate. If the bull$hit forcings were wrong, then the Divine Equilibrium Bull$hit Balance would be wrong and the money flow would diminish.

While Han$en was taking measurements on the ice, Bull$hit met an old walrus and they started talking. The walrus explained that the ice melt had always changed. He blamed it on the polar bears, but he did not explain why. He just said that more bears in the water meant more ice melt. He told Bull$hit to go and find Bear$hit the Climate Bear and ask him to explain. After a lot of searching, Bull$hit found Bear$hit on the beach, snacking on fresh seal. Bull$hit approached the bear cautiously. Bears could be dangerous. However, Bear$hit was well fed and friendly, so they sat down and began to talk. Bear$hit explained that it was not the black carbon that melted the ice. Instead it was bear$hit. When the bears were on the ice, the bear$hit was mixed with the black carbon. The colors were similar and it did not take much bear$hit to melt the ice once the sun was shining. It was difficult for the satellites to distinguish between bear$hit and black carbon. However, the melting was local and the ice just separated into large pieces. The real melting occurred when the bears were swimming and left bear$hit in the water. The bear$hit contained a lot of fat and it floated or stayed close to the ocean surface. Here it could absorb more sunlight and heat the ocean water near the surface. The warmer water then melted the nearby ice. In the cold Arctic water, bear$hit was better than bull$hit for melting the ice.

Bull$hit went back to the measurement site and told the Great Wizard what he had learned. The Wizard thanked Bull$hit and gave him extra food. The Wizard took more measurements and they returned to NA$A Goddard. Here he called together a group of his Senior Disciples and they search the records of old. The Viking Chronicles told of an ancient warming and cooling in Greenland. The Ice Core Oracles were consulted and they spoke of polar bears dying as the cooling started. The Great Wizard reviewed his bull$hit forcings. He added a bear$hit efficacy factor to the bull$hit black carbon forcing. This depended on both the ocean surface temperature and the bear$hit concentration. The new efficacy adjusted forcings were added to the Magic Models and the Divine Equilibrium Bull$hit Balance was restored.

When Pork$hit was just a piglet, he lived in the next field over from Bull$hit the Bull. At this time Bull$hit was still a calf, but he was fed special food to make his bull$hit more powerful. One day the gate was left open and Pork$hit ran next door and started to eat some of Bull$hit’s food. This gave Pork$hit some special powers. His pork$hit could be mixed with climate bull$hit and used to buy votes. Pork$hit became a political climate pig. However, in order to buy votes, he had to be fed a very high money diet. In particular he liked $100 bills. He was too expensive to keep at the Hog Ranch, so he was adopted out and became the pet Pig of Al Gore when he was still in Congress. Here Pork$hit could feed at the Congressional Trough and bring in the votes. He was so successful that a secret Democrat fund was established to keep him fed. His pork$hit was effective even in small amounts. A special pork$hit distribution system was installed that could be used by Democrats to buy climate votes to keep incumbents in office. Pork$hit also helped out at Democrat Party Headquarters. A special secret $hit$erver was installed in Al Gore’s office so that Pork$hit could exchange $hitmails with Bull$hit the climate bull at NA$A Goddard. When Dolly the Money Spider spun new money webs, they fed the old ones to Pork$hit. This was used to buy repeat votes. When the Great Wizard Han$en came to Washington DC to testify on global warming he bought Bull$hit along. Both Pork$hit and Bull$hit spent the night in the hearing room before Han$en testified. This was the real reason why they had to open the windows.

During the Clinton campaign, Pork$hit was fed a smorgasbord of campaign funds. The Wizard Han$en fed Bull$hit extra special food and the climate computers were flushed free of the Second Law. The Divine Bull$hit Balance was recalibrated to produce more warming and new Proclamations of the CO₂ Apocalypse were made. These tactics were successful and Pork$hit moved to the White House with Al Gore. Here Pork$hit lived high on the hog for 8 years. He always had access to all the money he could eat. Pork$hit and Bull$hit were used successfully to buy a second term in office. Unfortunately, during the latter part of Al Gore’s presidential campaign, Pork$hit was fed some tainted money. This was really meant to buy Republican votes. Some of the tainted pork$hit was released and used in Florida. Al Gore lost the election by a very slim margin. However, Pork$hit was a political climate pig and his friend Bull$hit at NA$A still needed money. Pork$hit stayed on the White House and worked with Bull$hit to buy climate votes for either party and keep the NA$A money rolling for Bull$hit. The climate computers and the special bull$hit circulation systems were expensive to install and maintain. Pork$hit still had access to the Congressional Trough although he had to wait in line and feed along with everyone else. He could still be used to buy votes.

During the first Obama campaign, Pork$hit took up temporary residence in the Democratic Party Headquarters and had full access to all the campaign funds he could eat. This time everyone was very careful and made sure that he was not fed any tainted money. During this campaign, Obama also teamed up with Horse$hit the Environmental Climate Horse. Horse$hit also liked to eat money. Because of this, his horse$hit stayed green and he could be used to buy green votes. The full story of Horse$hit is told in another Climate$hit file. The combination of Bull$hit, Pork$hit and Horse$hit was very successful and Pork$hit moved back to the White House to help buy votes for the Obama Administration. Horse$hit move over to EPA and helped with the CO₂ Endangerment Finding. Another secret $hit$erver was installed at EPA so that Bull$hit, Pig$hit and Horse$hit could exchange secret $hitmails. Bull$hit was given a special foreign assignment to help coordinate the Paris Accords. The combination of Bull$hit, Pork$hit and Horse$hit was once more successful and Obama won a second term. However, when Hurricane Sandy came through, it damaged the bull$hit circulation system in the computers at NA$A Goddard. The Paris ‘Treaty’ was signed and the CO₂ Endangerment Finding was forced through. Then something strange happened. Bull$hit became less effective. The Second Law had returned and was quietly working to remove the Equilibrium Climate State. The weather patterns changed. Some of the computer magic had been lost. As planned, Pork$hit moved back to the Democratic Party Headquarters to help with the Hilary Clinton campaign. However, something was missing from the smorgasbord. Hilary had taken the $100 bills to buy votes directly in the swing states. She did not understand the power of Pork$hit. Hilary lost the election and Pork$hit had to scrounge for scraps at Democratic Party Headquarters. He was reduced to eating $1 bills and whatever old money webs he could get from Bull$hit at NA$A. Trump would not have any climate pork at the White House. Similarly Horse$hit was put out to pasture at EPA Headquarters. He started to work as a consultant and had to go to New York and work for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Pork$hit and Horse$hit are now working at Democratic Party Headquarters, but times have changed and climate has to compete with social justice for attention. Also, COVID means that most of the Democrat staff are working remotely and there are fewer people at Party Headquarters to feed them. They still have to rely on handouts from Bull$hit and eat whatever denomination they can get. Sleepy Joe has not stayed awake long enough to learn about the effectiveness of Pork$hit and Horse$hit so pickings are slim. Campaign promises can be made with a mix of dollar bills and steer manure. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez does not even add dollar bills.

Horse$hit was born at the Del Mar racetrack near San Diego. He was trained to be a racehorse, but he was not a fast runner and did not win any races. Roger Revelle at the Scripps Institute had a contract with Del Mar to deliver the horse$hit that he needed to write the environmental prediction sections of his climate bull$hit grant proposals. He found that some batches of horse$hit stayed greener and did not require as much editing when they were input into his proposal mill. Furthermore, these proposals were usually funded. Revelle did some investigation and found that the green horse$hit came from Horse$hit the Environmental Climate Horse. He made special arrangements to keep Horse$hit at a boarding ranch near Scripps and had all of his horse$hit collected and sent to his grant writing team. One day, a ranch hand left some lunch money on a table near Horse$hit. The horse promptly came over and ate up all the dollar bills on the table. When the next batch of horse$hit was delivered to Scripps, they found that it was greener and more potent than usual. Revelle found out what had happened. He made sure that whenever an important grant proposal was due, they would give Horse$hit dollar bills as treats.

When Revelle left Scripps, Horse$hit moved to a ranch near Lawrence Livermore and provided the horse$hit that the Prophet $anter used in the environmental impact studies of Global Warming Bull$hit at LLNL. His horse$hit was also shared with the Prophet $chnieder’s group at Stanford. Both $anter and $chneider were trapped by the money web of lies when they were still young disciples. $anter was one of the first to claim that the warming from increased bull$hit levels could be detected. He also developed the hermetic bull$hit seals that were used on the bull$hit circulation systems in the LLNL super computers. Because of the very high speed of these computers, special precautions were needed to prevent contamination from the Second Law of Thermodynamics. $chneider would use any kind of horse$hit to get money. He always carried a large ‘pooper scooper’ in his car. He used to drive near the local stables and follow the horse riders. He wanted the freshest greenest horse$hit to use in his environmental warming studies. He began by using horse$hit to claim global cooling before the wizard Han$en created his slab ocean bull$hit warming magic. He was a founding member of the Flat Ocean Society. He specialized in extreme weather horse$hit and bull$hit attribution. However, he would write whatever horse$hit he thought would get money. He was extremely pleased to get supplies from Horse$hit.

LLNL helped to prepare the 1985 DOE Proclamation of Global Warming. The Divine Equilibrium Bull$hit Balance was recalibrated and warming had returned. Climate magicians were called to LLNL to announce the new Magical Model Results. The Magic Models had been improved with many more layers of bull$hit and the original M&W bull$hit equilibrium assumptions were hidden deep in the Magic Codes. Computers had improved and more advanced bull$hit circulation systems had been developed to keep out the Second Law. The temperature record at this time appeared to match the Sacred Spaghetti Plots. The early Homogenization Magic was working. The Rituals of the Forcing Constants were presented in detail. Calculations of the Fourth Level Bull$hit Forcings and the transition to the Bull$hit Equilibrium State were presented for bull$hit doubling. This work helped to prepare for the creation of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). They would have mission to blame all bull$hit warming on human activity.

The environmental horse$hit from both of these groups was combined with the Sacred Spaghetti Plots from their computers and used in the Sacred IPCC A$$e$$ment Reports. A special DOE fund was established to provide the money to feed Horse$hit. They learned that the quality of his horse$hit improved if he was fed higher denomination bills. When A$$e$$ment Reports were in preparation, Horse$hit was given a supplement of $100 bills.

At LLNL a special horse$hit program was established for the attribution of sea level rise to the level of bull$hit in the atmosphere and the oceans. The prophet $anter would run his magic models with and without atmospheric bull$hit. However, he did not turn off the bull$hit circulation system when he ran the ‘bull$hit free’ baseline models. He had to make sure that the Second Law of Thermodynamics was kept out of the supercomputers at LLNL and it took a lot of extra bull$hit to restore the bull$hit circulation if it was ever turned off. This meant that all of his work on bull$hit was worthless. He was just trapped in his money web of lies. At Stanford, $chneider worked on bull$hit prophesy. He became an expert on the conversion of pseudoscientific bull$hit into environmental horse$hit. He was one of the first to use the horse$hit confidence levels.

The Sacred A$$e$$ment Reports were used successfully to promote the Kyoto Horse$hit Protocol. This was set up to control horse$hit and bull$hit at an international level. All of this was progress towards the state of bull$hit Nirvana with increasing climate warmth and improved money flow. This enabled DOE to increase the money used to feed Horse$hit. He was given a daily supplement of $100 bills. His horse$hit was distributed to other parts of DOE. It was used in energy studies to promote the use of solar panels and windmills. Since bull$hit repelled the Second Law of Thermodynamics, this allowed alternative energy to be used at higher efficiencies. Bull$hit could also be used to reduce energy use when properly combined with horse$hit and insulation. This led to the energy star ratings that showed how much extra bull$hit would be required for a given appliance.

Horse$hit also provided support to other climate bull$hit groups. He provided the horse$hit needed to convert warming bull$hit to extreme weather prophesies. The Prophets Emanuel, Mann and Trenberth among others used his horse$hit to create increasing hurricane intensities from warming bull$hit. Horse$hit was also used to claim increases in forest fires and floods in the western US. It was also used to blame heat waves produced by ‘blocking high pressure domes’ on warming bull$hit. Horse$hit was so successful that he was loaned to the EPA to help provide the horse$hit needed to justify the CO₂ endangerment finding.

Horse$hit is now working at Democratic Party Headquarters. Here he is converting campaign funds into high quality green horse$hit for use by the democrats.

The Flat Ocean Society was founded in 1980 by the Great Wizard Han$en for the disciples of the Equilibrium Average Climate. This climate is defined by the Sacred Spaghetti Plots as generated by the Holy Global Circulation Climate Models. In order to work properly, these models require belief in the equations of a flat ocean. There can be no ocean waves and the ocean surface temperature is determined by the long wave IR (LWIR) flux, not the wind driven evaporation. The oceans must also be in an equilibrium state in which there are no oscillations. The LWIR flux can penetrate below the surface to a depth of 100 meters. Full membership in the Flat Ocean Society is required before any disciple can run a global circulation climate model.

Before full membership is granted, the disciples must be properly indoctrinated into the Mysteries of the Greenhouse Effect and the Radiative Forcing Rituals. They must abandon the Laws of Physics starting with a ritual cleansing to remove any influence of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. They must worship the Climate Averages on the Global Warming Altar and learn the workings of the 33 K Greenhouse Effect Temperature. They must learn the inner workings of the Radiative Forcings starting with the First Forcings of the Stratospheric Level. Once the have solved the equations of the First Level they must descend through the troposphere and solve the Forcings of the Second Level. Then they must solve the Third Forcings for the Combined Air and Land Response. Next they must learn the Initial Response of the Oceans and solve the Fourth Forcings. Now they are ready to enter the Inner Sanctum of the Equilibrium Ocean and solve the Equations of the Equilibrium Ocean Response and combine them with the Hidden Climate Sensitivity Constant. Finally, they may attempt to reach Equilibrium Nirvana and maximize both the warming apocalypse and the money flow.

History

The roots of The Flat Ocean Society can be traced back to antiquity where it was part of the Flat Earth Belief System. However, following the development of the telescope by Galileo, the New Belief System was introduced that made the Earth spherical with an orbit around the sun. The ancient Flat Earth Believers were part of the Church and participated in the Inquisition. After the Reformation they formed a secret Flat Earth Society. Then, starting in the nineteenth century, it was realized that the Earth had to have an equilibrium average climate. This was needed by the Simplified Mathematics to determine the temperature of the Earth and predict the coming CO₂ apocalypse. In order to balance the Sacred Flux Equations, the position of the sun had to be fixed, so that the absorbed solar flux always matched the LWIR flux returned to space. This belief system was first used to predict the CO₂ apocalypse by Arrhenius in 1896. It continued to be developed and used on an informal basis until 1967. Then the magicians Manabe and Wetherald used an early computer to solve the Sacred Flux Equations and bring them to full equilibrium for the first time. They published their magic spells for other computer magicians to use. Their work was limited to the Equilibrium Atmosphere. It was the Great Wizard Han$en that created the slab ocean magic and added the Equilibrium Ocean spells in 1981. To help promote the Equilibrium Ocean and fix the position of the sun, he founded the Flat Ocean Society. The Flat Earth Society members joined the Flat Ocean Society and were soon responsible for Indoctrination.

Awards and Recognition

The prestigious Arrhenius Medal is awarded annually for outstanding contributions to the Flat Ocean Society. These may include advances in the application of the Radiative Forcing Rituals, novel techniques for the mathematical masturbation of the Sacred Equilibrium Flux Equations, enhancements to the calculation of the Sacred Spaghetti Plots and outstanding contributions to Equilibrium Climate Pseudoscience Theology and the Great Pyramid of Bull$hit.

In order to promote the Flat Ocean Society, the Great Wizard Hansen established the Flat Ocean Cadets. The Disciples went to the schools and recruited schoolchildren for indoctrination into the Flat Ocean Society. They were taught a simplified story of the Predictions of the CO₂ Apocalypse and shown the Keeling Curve, the Hockey Stick and the Radiative Forcing Constants. They learned to worship the Climate Averages and were trained to carry the message to the denier students. One of the Swedish students was a distant relative of Burt Bolin. She had already read the Equilibrium Climate Legends, particularly the early predictions of the prophet Arrhenius. She became a very effective advocate for the Flat Ocean Society and attracted a wide following. She was a fast learner and could recite the Legends and Myths of Global Warming.

The Great wizard Han$en met Greta when she was in New York to address the UN. He was very impressed and wanted to make her a Saint of Global Warming. Unfortunately, the Vatican rules on Sainthood were very clear. You had to have been dead for 200 years first. Not to be deterred, the Wizard claimed that Greta was a reincarnation of Saint Joan of Arc. He went to Chinon in France to inspect the relics of the Saint and found some mummified bull$hit from Apis the Bull. The relics were originally found in an ancient tomb in Egypt. From this he created the Bull$hit Crown of Wisdom and the Golden Halo. She underwent purification to remove any contamination from the Second Law of Thermodynamics and became pseudo$aint Greta. She participated as an Oracle in the ceremonies at the Global Warming Temple. Here she could recite the Predictions of the CO₂ Apocalypse from the steps in front of the Divine Bull$hit Balance.

In order to travel without releasing any CO₂ emissions, psuedo$aint Greta used a yacht to travel the oceans. This created a problem, because the Equations of the Flat Ocean Society did not allow for any wind. To overcome this, a secret propeller was installed and the yacht appeared to move as if by magic. She travelled to Australia to see the bull$hit coral on the Great Barrier Reef. Unfortunately the yacht hit the reef at low tide and damaged the propeller. The boat had to be towed to port and the propeller was revealed for all to see. Closer inspection showed that the halo was polished brass. The mummified bullshit was tested using radiocarbon dating and it was found to be nothing more than regular bull$hit that had been dried and painted with varnish to preserve it. Pseudo$aint Greta flew home to Sweden and was never seen again.

Introduction

The climate equilibrium assumption requires a special set of virtual coordinates that adjusts the position of the sun so as to maintain the Sacred Flux Equations in an exact balance. The LWIR flux to space can be determined using the spells of old found in the HITRAN Spectral Gospels. These have to be combined using the magic of the linear greenhouse effect to get the final average LWIR flux. However, if the virtual solar coordinates are not correct, then the average absorbed solar flux will not balance the LWIR flux. This is believed to have created the so called ‘pause’ where the thermometers no longer agree with the Magic Models. Many attempts were made to adjust the thermometers to match the Magic Models. These included the selection of the warmest thermometers, homogenization to readjust the older thermometer records and special high speed electronic averaging techniques to capture the highest temperatures. However, in spite of all these adjustments, there was still a residual magic error that could not be accounted for.

The Determination of the Sacred Flux Balance

When viewed from the surface of the Earth, the sun appears to move across the sky and disappears below the horizon at night. In order for the magic models to work properly, the solar flux is transformed so that it appears to come from a fixed point in the sky. According to the Astrologers of Old, the coordinates are the First Point of Aries. This should create the exact 24 hour average solar flux that is used by the model. Unfortunately, the Earth’s rotation axis has shifted and the virtual solar coordinates have changed. They have to be corrected using special satellite magic. A Holy Trinity of satellite sensors is used. The First Sensor looks directly at the Sun God and measures the incoming solar flux. The Second Sensor looks downward and records the image of the Solar Offspring returned to space. The Third Sensor records image of the ghosts of the LWIR flux returned to space. The Holy Flux Terms are integrated to create the Holy Trinity Gospel Sums. A set of Divine Calibration Constants is used to adjust the Trinity Sums and create the Sacred Flux Balance. Unfortunately the calibration magic loaded onto the satellites can be altered by the Drift Devils that live in low Earth orbit. The Predictions of the CO₂ Apocalypse require that there be a slight energy imbalance that warms the Earth. The initial values of the Sacred Flux Balance are iteratively exorcised to remove the influence of the Drift Devils until the optimum balance is achieved and the virtual solar coordinates are corrected for optimum warming. The Residual Errors are taken and imprisoned in the lower levels of the Error Dungeon and any unexpected deviances are thrown into the Oubliette. The purified Sacred Flux Balance is carried in procession and placed on the Global Warming Altar. Here it is worshipped by the disciples Equilibrium Average Climate State and incorporated into the Holy Global Circulation Models. A new set of Sacred Spaghetti Plots is generated and incorporated into the Sacred A$$e$$$ment Report.

The Source of the Residual Magic Error Starting with the Fifth Sacred Assessment Report, a statistically significant error appeared in the Sacred Spaghetti Plots. The Predictions of the CO₂ Apocalypse Temperature were higher than the Thermometers. Something was not working properly with the Magic Models. The Divine Calibration Constants were checked and verified and none of the Residual Errors had escaped from the Error Dungeon. The Oubliette had not been opened. The virtual solar coordinates were carefully compared with the previous versions. When the coordinates were adjusted using the historic First Point of Aries as the origin, a strange pattern emerged. There was a 60 year oscillation that was in phase with Atlantic Multi-decadal Oscillation (AMO). In addition to the main 60 year AMO cycle, many of the finer features also matched the AMO. The ancient archives were searched and the oscillations could be traced back to the start of the Central England Temperature Inscriptions from the time of the First Thermometers. There was an error in the magic scripts that set the virtual coordinates of the equilibrium position of the sun. The Equilibrium Average Climate State had been lost. The ocean was no longer completely flat.

In order to get more time to study the Residual Magic Error, The Great Wizard Han$en called for a Conference of the Parties to proclaim the new CO₂ Apocalypse. All the Climate Magicians and their disciples had to attend as the new values for the Sacred Equilibrium Flux Balance were installed on the Global Warming Altar. He then declared a Climate Emergency and called for increased efforts to reduce CO₂ emissions. The 2 C limit proclaimed at the last rebalancing in Paris was no longer sufficient. The new limit would be 1.5 C.

The Great Wizard Han$en at the installation of the new Sacred Equilibrium Flux Balance on the Global Warming Altar. The figure on the left is Pseudo$aint Greta. At the rear are the sacred altar panels depicting the Keeling Curve, the Hockey Stick Plot and the Radiative Forcing Constants. Above is the Great Trilogy of pseudo$cientific Bull$hit, environmental Horse$hit and political Pork$hit, the invincible money source. At the rear is the money web of lies and on top is the symbol and motto of the Flat Ocean Society. Further details are given in the Climate$hit Files.

Note from the Inspector General

Most of the guards at the Error Dungeon were disciples and had to attend the Sacred Flux Balance ceremonies at the Altar. The Residual Errors were able to escape and they managed to open the Oubliette and release the unexpected deviations. At the lowest level of the Oubliette they found the Hidden Tricks that were used to create the Hockey Stick Plots. They all managed to reach the safety of the Inspector General’s Office. After a detailed investigation, their story was confirmed. Han$en was not a Wizard. The whole thing was a massive fraud. The warming came from the Ocean Oscillations. Han$en and his disciples were sent to jail until they were frozen under at least 1 km of ice in the next Ice Age.

In support of the Fifth National Climate Assessment, NCA5, the United States Global Change Research Program (USGCRP) has announced a new regulation. Effective immediately, all members of the US Government, its Contractors and Researchers associated with the USGCRP must become full members of the Flat Ocean Society. All USGCRP participants must be properly indoctrinated into the Mysteries of the Greenhouse Effect and the Radiative Forcing Rituals. They must abandon the Laws of Physics starting with a ritual cleansing to remove any influence of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. They must worship the Climate Averages on the Global Warming Altar and learn the inner workings of the Radiative Forcings and Climate Feedbacks.

The climate to be assessed shall be the Equilibrium Average Climate. This is defined by the Sacred Spaghetti Plots as proclaimed by Gospels of the CMIP6 Ensembles of the Holy Global Circulation Climate Models. In order to work properly, these models require belief in the equations of a flat ocean. There can be no ocean waves and the ocean surface temperature is determined by the long wave IR (LWIR) forcings, not the wind driven evaporation. The oceans must also be in an equilibrium state in which there are no oscillations. The LWIR forcings can penetrate below the surface to a depth of 100 meters.

All USGCRP participants must carry with them the Official Handbook of the USGCRP. This is a specially printed edition of Chapter 7 of the IPCC AR6 Working Group Report I ‘The Earth’s Energy Budget, Climate Feedbacks and Climate Sensitivity’. Any material not contained in this handbook is deemed heretical and not part of the official USGCRP Gospel.

All participants in the USGCRP are expected to contribute to the enhancement of the Climate Pyramid of Bull$hit. This is the Great Vision to save the world from bull$hit climate warming through enhanced modeling and mitigation. It is based on the financial model developed by Charles Ponzi in the early 20th century except that it uses the growth of bull$hit climate warming generated by the climate models. This is amplified by a set of secondary models that create the tax policy and mitigation measures needed to control the warming. These are then implemented at Higher Levels in the Pyramid. New bull$hit has to be continuously added to the base of the Pyramid by the climate models to sustain the losses through use at higher levels. The USGCRP has significant US Government support because of the tax revenue it generates and the campaign contributions it brings in, especially from those that benefit from the mitigation funding. The emphasis for NCA5 will be on extreme weather enhancement, especially fire and floods. It is expected that this will lead to significant growth at all levels of the Pyramid.

The USGCRP is also pleased to announce that the globe on the USGCRP logo has been has been changed to the Flat Ocean Society logo and the motto ‘Caveat Emptor’ has been added to acknowledge the support provided by the Flat Ocean Society to the USGCRP.

Eisenhower’s warning has come true. Climate science has been thoroughly corrupted by government funding and exploitation by political and environmental groups. There are three parts to this corruption. First, the complexities of climate change were oversimplified through the use of the equilibrium climate assumption. This created fraudulent climate warming, by definition, as a mathematical artifact produced by the simplified climate flux balance equations. Equilibrium climate pseudoscience started in the nineteenth century. By the 1960s it had become accepted scientific dogma. Today it provides the fraudulent foundation for the climate models used to promote the Imperial Cult of the Global Warming Apocalypse.

Second, there was an institutional fraud. As major government programs ended, there was no provision to shut them down. In particular, NASA was established to land a man on the moon. Similarly, the Atomic Energy Commission was formed to oversee nuclear programs. It was merged into the newly formed Department of Energy in 1977. As funding diminished, rocket and nuclear scientists magically became experts in climate pseudoscience. The hyped up global warming apocalypse rapidly became a source of funding - and jobs – for otherwise unemployed government funded scientists. The ‘radiative convective equilibrium’ computer model, initially developed by Manabe and Wetherald (M&W) in 1967, was copied without question. No one bothered to look at the real physics of the time dependent climate energy transfer. There are four obvious scientific errors in M&W that have been ignored for over 50 years. The ‘scientists’ became mathematical morons. The only thing that mattered was that the climate models agreed with each other and with a pseudoscientific ‘global average temperature change’. Fourier, by 1824 had already shown that the earth’s climate was not in equilibrium. Physical reality was abandoned in favor of mathematical simplicity. Solving non-linear equations and writing computer algorithms was more important than climate physics. Lorenz, in 1963 had already shown this was an impossible task. The solutions to these non-linear equations are unstable. Even today, a weather forecast is limited to about 10 days ahead. However, money and jobs came first. Gradually, an irrational belief in climate models replaced logic and reason. Climate modeling is a classic example of GIGO – garbage in, gospel out. The world had to be saved from a non-existent global warming apocalypse.

Third, various political and environmental groups decided to exploit the global warming apocalypse to further their own interests. Climate pseudoscience gradually became the Imperial Cult of the Global Warming Apocalypse. In 1975, Margaret Mead the anthropologist organized the conference ‘The Atmosphere Endangered and Endangering’. Her objective was to exploit atmospheric pollution - real or imagined - for population control. Attendees included Stephen Schneider and John Holdren. Both were strongly influenced by the invalid population growth arguments promoted by Paul Ehrlich. Schneider became a leading advocate of the CO₂ climate scare at Stanford University. Holdren became science and technology advisor to President Obama. In addition, Maurice Strong and Bert Bolin both worked to promote the global warming apocalypse through the United Nations Environmental Program (UNEP). They were able to establish the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) in 1988. It must be emphasized that the IPCC is a political body, not a scientific one. Its mission is to assess “the scientific, technical and socioeconomic information relevant for the understanding of the risk of human-induced climate change.” This is based on the a-priori assumption that human activities are causing CO₂ induced global warming. Mainstream politicians such as Margaret Thatcher and Al Gore became involved and the climate fraud grew into the multi-trillion dollar pyramid or Ponzi scheme we have today. Somewhere along the way, various foreign interests, notably Russia and China started to fund some of these environmental and political groups and use their propaganda organizations to promote ‘decarbonization’ and ‘net zero’ policies. Russia wants to regain political power through control of the energy supply to Europe. China wants to gain political control by dominating the mineral supply chain related to the batteries and motors needed to achieve ‘net zero’. Some of the world’s richest billionaires and charitable foundations are also using their resources promote ‘decarbonization’ as a way to impose their ‘socialist’ beliefs on society. The mathematical morons with their climate models have now become Putin’s puppets, trapped in a web of lies of their own making.

The climate fraud grew as a confluence of special interests and funding ‘bandwagons’ developed. There was no single ‘smoking gun’ that created the fraud. The transition from invalid scientific hypothesis to climate fraud started when M&W began to incorporate their 1967 ‘radiative convective equilibrium’ model into a rather primitive global circulation model (GCM). By ignoring the limitations of their own simplifying assumptions they became the first mathematical morons of the Global Warming Apocalypse. They created two research bandwagons. First, the warming artifacts created by their 1967 model were not limited to CO₂. This created the ‘radiative forcing’ bandwagon. The increase in atmospheric concentration of any so called ‘greenhouse gas’ could be used to create global warming. Within a decade, another 11 ‘minor species’ had been added to the M&W model. Melodramatic claims of “an appreciable increase in global surface temperature” were made for example for halogenated hydrocarbons, without out any quantitative thermal engineering analysis. Second, other groups could develop and ‘improve’ on the M&W GCM. In 1981 Hansen’s group of mathematical morons at NASA Goddard added three more scientific errors to M&W. They created a pseudoscientific ‘climate sensitivity’ or global temperature increase that was produced by a doubling of the CO₂ concentration. They did this by ignoring the effects of natural ocean warming on the ‘global temperature change’. The main source of the warming attributed to CO₂ is the Atlantic Multi-decadal Oscillation (AMO). The 1940 AMO peak was clearly visible in their ‘surface air temperature trends’ but they chose to call it ‘noise’. The penetration depth of the long wave IR (LWIR) flux into the ocean surface is less than 100 micron (about the width of a human hair). Here it is fully coupled to the wind driven evaporation. There can be no measurable increase in ocean temperature from the LWIR component of a ‘radiative forcing’. In addition, the ‘homogenization’ process used to convert the raw weather station data into the global climate average has been used to ‘adjust’ the temperature data and create more warming. Here the fox is guarding the henhouse. The same government groups that run the climate models also create the climate temperature averages.

One of the basic issues with the work of M&W and Hansen et al is the complete lack of oversight. Why were M&W allowed to even start work on a GCM? NASA has clear guidelines for ‘Technology Readiness Levels’ (TRLs) that were never applied to Hansen’s work. In 1979 there was a climate review led by Jules Charney that looked at the work of both groups. The reviewers simply accepted the equilibrium assumption and ‘sanctified’ the model results. A doubling of the CO₂ concentration was going to produce an increase in temperature of 3 ±1.5 C. There was no attempt to validate the models with independent evidence or thermal engineering calculations. Since 1981, the main change to the basic equilibrium modeling approach was the addition of radiative forcing ‘efficacies’ by Hansen et al in 2005. The equilibrium assumption was restated by Knutti and Hegerl in 2008: “When the radiation balance of the Earth is perturbed, the global surface temperature will warm and adjust to a new equilibrium state”. In reality, the small amount of heat added to the troposphere from a doubling of the CO₂ concentration is simply re-radiated to space by the water bands. There is no change to the radiation balance of the earth. A doubling of the CO₂ concentration produces a maximum increase in the rate of heating of the troposphere of +0.08 C. At a lapse rate of -6.5 C km^-1, +0.08 K is a decrease in altitude of 12 meters. This is equivalent to riding an elevator down about four floors.

In 1979 there were just two groups with GCMs that contributed to the Charney report. The AMO remained in its cooling phase from about 1940 to 1970. This was used to create the 1970s ‘global cooling’ scare. By 1986 there was sufficient warming from the AMO coupled to the climate record for Jones and Wigley to proclaim the new global warming scare. By 1995 there were 18 groups with GCMs. The modeling effort for the IPCC is now coordinated through the Coupled Model Intercomparison Project (CMIP). In 2019 there were 49 modeling groups with approximately 100 different models involved in CMIP6. The mathematical morons that developed these models simply copied the earlier models, including the underlying M&W mathematical artifacts. The only model ‘validation’ was a comparison to other models. This was verified by the determination of the ‘climate sensitivity’. For the CMIP5 model ‘ensemble’ this varied from 2.1 to 5.7 K, for CMIP6 it was 1.8 to 5.6 K. The correct answer for the magnitude of the ‘climate sensitivity’ is ‘too small to measure’. The CMIP results were used to provide the pseudoscientific basis for the 2 C limit in Paris Climate Accord.

The corruption of climate science is part of the more general corruption of environmental science by environmental and political groups. The funding has been traced to various private foundations and public charities controlled by billionaire groups and augmented by foreign funds. In particular the Sea Change Foundation has been identified as a conduit for laundering Russian funds. The corruption of the EPA was discussed in detail in the 2014 report ‘The Chain of Environmental Command: How a Club of Billionaires and Their Foundations Control the Environmental Movement and Obama’s EPA’ by the US Senate Environmental Committee minority staff. The fraudulent results from the climate models were used to establish the EPA ‘endangerment finding’ and provide a ‘backdoor’ for lawsuits against the fossil fuel industry for non-existent legal liabilities. Of course, the US taxpayer is paying for most of this with higher energy prices and the inflation that ripples through the economy as these costs impact other areas of the economy.

It is time to dismantle this fraud by making sure that the totally inept stupidity of the mathematical morons responsible for the equilibrium climate models is clear to all. To start, there are nine scientific papers that demonstrate the fraud. The history of the equilibrium climate assumption may be understood by reading parts of the 1896 Arrhenius paper. Here he clearly describes the equilibrium climate assumption and uses it to create the first mathematical warming artifacts. He also makes it clear that he was interested in explaining how changes in the atmospheric CO₂ concentration might cycle the earth through an Ice Age. The real cause of an Ice Age – planetary perturbations of the earth’s orbital and axial motion known as Milankovitch cycles – was not explained until 1976, after the climate fraud became established. M&W accepted the invalid equilibrium climate hypothesis without question and used it to build their 1967 model. They created climate warming as a mathematical artifact of the simplifying assumptions that were clearly described on the second page of their paper. The climate modeling fraud started when M&W began to incorporate their 1967 model into a GCM. The 1967 mathematical artifacts were built into the first GCM described by M&W in 1975. The rest of the mathematical morons simply copied M&W and built the same artifacts into later climate models. Hansen et al in 1981 completed the basic foundation of the climate modeling fraud that led to the concept of radiative forcing as a perturbation to the energy balance of a fictional equilibrium climate. The same M&W equilibrium assumption was re-iterated in a slightly different form by Knutti and Hegerl in 2008. Nothing has changed in 40 years.

The history of radiative forcing is described in a 2019 monograph by Ramaswamy et al. This conveniently documents the work of the mathematical morons in this area. The creation of climate sensitivity to CO₂ from the climate record and the radiative forcings used in the climate models was described by Otto et al in 2013 and Gregory et al in 2020. The effects of natural changes in surface temperature such as those produced by ocean oscillations, notably the AMO have been completely ignored. The process of ‘attribution’ of ‘extreme weather’ is based on the climate modeling ‘trick’ of removing the effects of the AMO to create a ‘natural’ baseline. An annual series of ‘Explaining Extreme Weather Events’ now edited by Herring et al has been published by the Bulletin of the American Meteorological Society since 2012. The papers in this series that rely on equilibrium climate models are fraudulent. The work of the mathematical morons is on full display in the ‘CMIP model ensembles’. At present the annual increase in downward LWIR flux to the surface from CO₂ is increasing by 0.034 W m^-2 per year. A more extensive overview of the climate fraud may be found in Chapter 7 of the IPCC AR6 Working Group 1 Climate Assessment Report. All of the discussion found here on radiative forcings, feedbacks and climate sensitivities is pseudoscientific nonsense.

The first step in dealing with the climate fraud is to shut down all of the equilibrium climate model activities related to the CMIP program. This includes the groups at NASA, NOAA and DOE along with those in the national labs and the universities, notably the CMIP group at LLNL. There are also major issues of legal liability related to the lack of oversight provided by the consortia and universities that serve as contract administrators for the national labs and other government funded facilities.

The next step is to dismantle the pyramid of fraud built on the climate model results. The starting point in the US is the ‘deep state’ of secondary modeling morons that feed on the climate results and create ‘policy’ for the US government. The public record can be found in the work of the US Global Change Research Program. This has blindly copied the UN IPCC and the CMIP model results. Then it is necessary to ‘follow the money’ through the Byzantine backways and byways of the ‘green blob’ to the billionaire foundations and foreign sources and identify ‘Putin’s puppets’. An accelerated program is needed to rebuild the world’s fossil fuel energy infrastructure that has been severely damaged by 50 plus years of climate modeling fraud. We do not need Russia’s natural gas nor do we need China’s ‘battery and motor’ minerals. There is no need for fleets of electric vehicles, or utility scale ‘alternative energy’ with solar panels, windmills and large scale battery storage for electrical power. It is time to ‘clawback’ the money that has been stolen in this massive climate Ponzi scheme. There are no forcings, feedbacks or climate sensitivity to CO₂. The 1.5 or 2 C limit in the Paris Climate Accord is pseudoscientific nonsense.

References

Note: A more complete discussion and additional references are provided in ‘Reject AR6’ on Research Page 6.

Arrhenius, S., Philos. Trans. 41 237-276 (1896), ‘On the influence of carbonic acid in the air upon the temperature of the ground’. http://empslocal.ex.ac.uk/people/staff/gv219/classics.d/Arrhenius96.pdf Arrhenius

Charney, J. G. et al, Carbon Dioxide and Climate: A Scientific Assessment, Report of an ad hoc study group on carbon dioxide and climate, Woods Hole, MA July 23-27 (1979), https://www.bnl.gov/envsci/schwartz/charney_report1979.pdf

Charney

Fourier, B. J. B., Annales de Chimie et de Physique, 27, pp. 136–167 (1824), ‘Remarques générales sur les températures du globe terrestre et des espaces planétaires’. https://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k65708960/f142.image#

Fourier

English translation:

http://fourier1824.geologist-1011.mobi/ Fourier.1

Gregory, J. M., T. Andrews, P. Ceppi, T. Mauritsen and M. J. Webb, Climate Dynamics Oct. 2019, https://doi.org/10.1007/s00382-019-04991-y, ‘How accurately can the climate sensitivity to CO₂ be estimated from historical climate change?’ https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007%2Fs00382-019-04991-y.pdf Gregory

Hansen, J. et al., (45 authors), J. Geophys Research 110 D18104 pp1-45 (2005), ‘Efficacy of climate forcings’. https://pubs.giss.nasa.gov/docs/2005/2005_Hansen_ha01110v.pdf Hansen.2005

Hansen, J., D. Johnson, A. Lacis, S. Lebedeff, P. Lee, D. Rind and G. Russell Science 213 957-956 (1981), ‘Climate impact of increasing carbon dioxide’. https://pubs.giss.nasa.gov/docs/1981/1981_Hansen_ha04600x.pdf Hansen.1981

Hays, J. D., J. Imbrie, N. J. Shackleton, Science, 194 Dec. 10, pp 1121-1132 (1976), ‘Variations in the Earth's Orbit: Pacemaker of the Ice Ages’, https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.194.4270.1121 Hays

Hecht, M. M., 21st Century Science and Technology, pp.64-68, Fall 2007, ‘Where the global warming hoax was born’ http://www.21stcenturysciencetech.com/Articles%202007/GWHoaxBorn.pdf Hecht

Herring, S. C., N. Christidis, A. Hoell, M. P. Hoerling and P. A. Stott, Bull. Amer. Meteor. Soc., 101 (1), S1–S128 (2020), ‘Explaining Extreme Events of 2018 from a Climate Perspective’. https://doi.org/10.1175/BAMS-ExplainingExtremeEvents2018.1 (and prior years in this series) Herring

Jones, P. D., T. M. Wigley and P. B Wright, Nature 323 (31) 430-434 (1986), ‘Global temperature variations between 1861 and 1984’. https://www.nature.com/articles/322430a0 Jones

Available at:

https://geosci.uchicago.edu/~archer/warming_papers/jones.1986.temp_record.pdf

Jones.1

Knutti, R. and G. C. Hegerl, Nature Geoscience 1 735-743 (2008), ‘The equilibrium sensitivity of the Earth’s temperature to radiation changes’. https://www.nature.com/articles/ngeo337 Knutti

Lorenz, E.N., Journal of the Atmospheric Sciences 20, pp. 130-41 (1963), ‘Deterministic non-periodic flow.’ https://journals.ametsoc.org/view/journals/atsc/20/2/1520-0469_1963_020_0130_dnf_2_0_co_2.xml Lorenz

Manabe, S. and R. T. Wetherald, J. Atmos. Sci. 32(1) 3-15 (1975), ‘The effects of doubling the CO₂ concentration in the climate of a general circulation model’. https://journals.ametsoc.org/view/journals/atsc/32/1/1520-0469_1975_032_0003_teodtc_2_0_co_2.xml?tab_body=pdf Manabe.1975

Manabe, S. and R. T. Wetherald, J. Atmos. Sci., 24 241-249 (1967), ‘Thermal equilibrium of the atmosphere with a given distribution of relative humidity’. http://www.gfdl.noaa.gov/bibliography/related_files/sm6701.pdf Manabe.1967

Mead, M. and W. W. Kellogg eds, The Atmosphere: Endangered and Endangering, Fogarty International Center Proceedings No. 39, 1976 (Washington, D.C.: U.S. Government Printing Office, DHEW Publication No. [NIH] 77-1065). (Google Digital Book)

Otto, A., F. E. L. Otto, O. Boucher, J. Church, G. Hegerl, P. M. Forster, N. P. Gillett, J. Gregory, G. C. Johnson, R Knutti, N. Lewis, U. Lohmann, J. Marotzke, G. Myhre, D. Shindell, B. Stevens and M. R. Allen, Nature Geoscience, 6 (6). 415 - 416 (2013). ISSN 1752-0894, ‘Energy budget constraints on climate response’. http://eprints.whiterose.ac.uk/76064/7/ngeo1836(1)_with_coversheet.pdf Otto

Otto, A. et al, ibid Supplementary Material. https://static-content.springer.com/esm/art%3A10.1038%2Fngeo1836/MediaObjects/41561_2013_BFngeo1836_MOESM299_ESM.pdf Otto.Suppl

Ramaswamy, V.. W. Collins, J. Haywood, J. Lean, N. Mahowald, G. Myhre, V. Naik, K. P. Shine, B. Soden, G. Stenchikov and T. Storelvmo, Meteorological Monographs Volume 59 Chapter 14 (2019), ‘Radiative Forcing of Climate: The Historical Evolution of the Radiative Forcing Concept, the Forcing Agents and their Quantification, and Applications’. https://doi.org/10.1175/AMSMONOGRAPHS-D-19-0001.1 Ramaswamy

United States Senate, Committee on Environment and Public Works, Minority Staff Report, The Chain of Environmental Command: How a Club of Billionaires and Their Foundations Control the Environmental movement and Obama’s EPA, July 30, 2014.,

https://www.epw.senate.gov/public/_cache/files/6/c/6ce8dd13-e4ab-4b31-9485-6d2b8a6f6b00/01AFD79733D77F24A71FEF9DAFCCB056.chainofenvironmentalcommand.pdf

US_Senate

After careful consideration, the Nobel Committee has decided that physics has now reached a sufficient level of maturity where there are no more discoveries that merit the award of the Nobel Prize. The Committee has therefore decided to widen the scope of the award to include pseudoscience. The award for pseudoscience will acknowledge outstanding achievement in pseudoscientific nonsense as measured by the monetary value involved. Accordingly, the Nobel science medal has been redesigned to reflect this change. The side of the medal with the image of Alfred Nobel will remain the same. However, the image on the reverse side has been changed to indicate pseudoscientific value. The motto has also been changed to include ‘Caveat Emptor’ and ‘Taurus Excretum Invictus’.

The first person nominated for the new Nobel award was Syukuro Manabe, for an outstanding contribution to climate pseudoscience. He provided the pseudoscientific foundation for the climate models that led to the multi-trillion dollar climate fraud that we have today. Physical reality in climate science had already been abandoned in favor of mathematical simplicity. This started in the nineteenth century with the use of the equilibrium climate assumption. The Second Law of Thermodynamics had already been eliminated. In his classic 1967 paper with Wetherald, (M&W), Manabe built on the equilibrium climate pseudoscience established by Arrhenius and constructed the first generally accepted pseudoscientific computer climate model. This created global warming directly as a mathematical artifact of the input modeling assumptions. It was really just a mathematical platform for the development and evaluation of radiative transfer and related algorithms. He began with the mathematical construct of a 24 hour average absorbed solar flux that had to exactly match the long wave IR (LWIR) flux returned to space at the top of the model. The surface was a partially reflecting blackbody surface with zero heat capacity. The model had 9 or 18 atmospheric layers with a fixed relative humidity (RH) distribution. When the atmospheric CO₂ concentration was increased in this simplistic model, the surface temperature had to increase, by definition, based on the equilibrium assumption. Furthermore, since the RH was fixed, the increase in surface temperature was amplified by the increase in water vapor concentration. This created a ‘positive feedback’ that increased the downward LWIR flux and amplified the surface heating. This is the basis of the ‘water vapor feedback’ that is still in use today. The model of course is pseudoscientific nonsense that has no relationship to planet earth. In particular, the effects of the surface LWIR exchange energy have been ignored. In the real world, the downward LWIR flux from the lower troposphere to the surface ‘blocks’ most of the upward LWIR flux from the surface. In order to dissipate the absorbed solar heat, the surface warms up so that the excess heat is removed by moist convection. This is a mass transport process. The coupling of the convection to the gravitational field and rotation of the earth produce the Hadley, Ferrel and Polar convective cells, the trade winds and the ocean gyre circulation that drive the earth’s basic weather patterns. The atmospheric LWIR flux is fully coupled to the convection and the two should not be separated and analyzed independently of each other. The small changes in LWIR flux produced by the observed increase in CO₂ concentration cannot couple to the climate system in such a way that can cause any climate change.

The 1967 M&W paper created two pseudoscientific bandwagons. First, the radiative transfer algorithms could be improved with better spectroscopic constants and more greenhouse gases. Second, the M&W model could be incorporated into a general circulation model (GCM) with well over a thousand M&W ‘units’ coupled together within a modified weather forecasting model to make ‘improved’ climate ‘predictions’. None of this required any change to the underlying M&W pseudoscience. Within a decade, an additional 11 ‘minor’ IR species had been added to the M&W model. M&W opted for the second bandwagon and spent the next 8 years incorporating their 1967 assumptions into a crude GCM that had to create global warming as the CO2 concentration increased. Furthermore, they conveniently overlooked their model instabilities. In 1963, Lorenz demonstrated that a simple convective model with just 3 nonlinear equations was unstable. A GCM weather forecast model became unreliable after about 10 days. The M&W model had thousands of coupled non-linear equations and had no predictive capabilities whatsoever over the much longer time scales needed for climate ‘prediction’.

The importance of Manabe’s contribution to climate pseudoscience can only be fully understood when the later developments that built on his foundation of mathematical modeling artifacts are also considered. In 1979, the climate pseudoscience developed by M&W was ‘sanctified’ by the Charney report. The reviewers simply accepted the underlying equilibrium assumption and failed to recognize the nature of the mathematical artifacts involved. They concluded that a warming of 3±1.5 C from a ‘doubling’ of the atmospheric CO₂ concentration was likely. This was based on little more than accepted equilibrium climate dogma and the results from the five rather crude GCMs that were available at the time, 3 from Manabe’s group and 2 from Hansen’s group.

In 1981, an additional layer of pseudoscience was added to the M&W model by Hansen’s group. A ‘slab’ ocean was added that introduced heat capacity but little else to the M&W model. The coupling of the ocean evaporation to the LWIR flux was ignored. An equilibrium modeling ritual was created where a hypothetical ‘doubling’ in the CO₂ concentration produced temperature changes that propagated successively through the stratosphere and the troposphere and then changed the land and ocean temperatures. The mathematical artifacts of warming and cooling produced by other ‘greenhouse gases’ and by various aerosols introduced into an M&W model were presented as though they were part of a real climate. Then a ‘bait and switch’ change was made from the model equilibrium temperature to the weather station temperature measured at eye level above the ground. No changes were made to the M&W model. The output was simply relabeled. The real physics of the surface energy transfer was ignored. By 1981, the foundation of computerized climate pseudoscience had been established with the forcings, feedbacks and climate sensitivities that have been used in all of the IPCC climate assessments.

Manabe’s greatest achievement is that his pseudoscientific nonsense has fooled so many people for so long. The dogma of equilibrium climate pseudoscience has degenerated into the Imperial Cult of the Global Warming Apocalypse. The mathematical warming artifacts that he created have been exploited by many different groups. Climate modeling has become a lucrative source of research funds. The equilibrium climate model has been copied by different groups around the world. By 2019 there were at least 49 modeling groups and 100 equilibrium climate models contributing to the CMIP6 ensemble. None of the modeling groups has performed any investigation into the validity of their models or the effects of Lorenz instabilities. The NASA climate models have never been subjected to Technology Readiness Level Review. For high level public policy analysis, they should be at TRL8/9. The climate models have simply been ‘tuned’ to match the global average climate record. This is dominated by the recent warming phase of the Atlantic Multi-decadal Oscillation (AMO). Additional warming has been created by the process of ‘homogenization’ used to create the global climate averages. Earlier AMO cycles have been ignored. There can be no ‘sensitivity’ to CO₂.

In reality, a ‘radiative forcing’ is a change in flux that produces a change in the rate of heating or cooling. It does not directly produce a change in temperature. A doubling of the CO₂ concentration produces a maximum increase in the rate of heating in the troposphere of approximately 0.08 K per day. Similarly, over the oceans, within the ±30° latitude bands, the nominal 2 W m^-2 increase in downward LWIR flux to the surface produced by the increase in CO₂ concentration since the start of the industrial revolution is dissipated by an increase in wind speed of about 15 cm s^-1. Over land, the weather station temperature is reset each day by the convection transition temperature. Air compression heating effects such as those produced by downslope winds and ‘blocking’ high pressure systems can produce temperature changes of 10 C over a few days or less. The average annual increase in downward LWIR flux to the surface from CO₂ is approximately 0.034 W m^-2. This cannot produce any increase in ‘extreme weather’. The 1.5 or 2 C temperature limit incorporated into the Paris Climate Accord is pseudoscientific nonsense. There is no climate crisis. The peer review process in climate science has been replaced by blatant cronyism that perpetuates the equilibrium climate pseudoscience. Our so called ‘climate scientists’ have been trapped in a web of lies of their own making.

Various political and environmental groups have exploited Manabe’s warming artifacts to further their own agendas. They have successfully disrupted the world’s energy supply through ridiculous claims of ‘global warming’ and ‘climate change’. There is no cost or technical justification for utility scale ‘alternative energy’ or the expanded use of electrically powered vehicles. Main stream politicians have used Manabe’s warming artifacts to justify energy policies that have caused major harm. Millions of people around the world are suffering from ‘energy poverty’. Over two hundred people died of cold in Texas in the 2020 winter freeze because ‘alternative energy’ could not meet power demand. Manabe has built the pseudoscientific foundation for the most successful scam since the use of indulgences by the late medieval church.

References

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CLIMATE HUMOR